With my DH for 10 years, married for 3. No kids. I'm just in a lot of pain right now and was hoping someone may have advice.
I suffer from Vaginismus which makes sex or smear tests impossible. I've never had penetrative sex and myself and DH have never had sex. I thought for years the love I had for him and how well we got on would be enough to compensate for the lack of intimacy between us. But all the emotions and feelings I've repressed have come to the surface in the last 3 years. I've finally admitted to myself that even if I were magically cured in the morning, the physical attraction to him isn't there. I'm so broken and in so much pain. I've told him all of this and he's so hurt as his right. He says he wouldn't mind continuing on as is even with the knowledge we'd never again be intimate or have a family. But I just don't think I can do it. To him or to me.
I actually thought that part of me was dead and I just wasn't a sexual person. But I met someone in the last year that I have sexual feelings for. Nothing has or will happen. This is the first time in my life I've felt like this. I tried telling myself I felt these feelings due to the issues in the marriage but I have to face up to it that the problems were there all along. And it's so unfair that for most of my life I've felt unnatural and so much pain and then to get these feelings that are not for my husband. It feels like I'm being punished all over again.
I don't really know what I'm asking here. I just needed to get the words out.