To leave or not to leave

[Oddsocks17]

Hi,

I'm at a loss and don't know what to do.
I've been married for 7 years together for 10. DS and DSD. My husband works shifts so time together is limited, however it's so limited I'm beginning to feel like a single parent.

My DH has lots of dislikes in the world.
Cinema - people might look at him. Wait for the movie on sky.
Going out - can't be bothered to get dressed up.
Doors being open
Buying gifts on holiday for family
Christmas gifts for family
Holidays outside Europe
Long plane journeys
My cats
Dogs
Walking....anywhere

I could go on.

I used to be a sassy ladette who was hard to pin down. Now I feel submissive and controlled.

At a recent wedding he bought A new suit, shoes etc out of our savings then moaned when I wanted a dress. I ended up getting it on my credit card he moaned that much. He then moaned at the wedding as I had 5 drinks which was 25 quid. All together he spent 200. I spent the night on the table wine to avoid asking for a drink again. When I questioned him about it, it didn't happen. Which is the usual response to which I then spend days analysing and working out if I'm going mad or.not.

For a while now I've been wanting to travel and finding myself searching for myself and my DS instead. Then I found myself looking at houses then working out finances of being alone.

Our financial situation is good but we still have 200 a month spending money with the rest on bills / savings. Recently money has been dissapearring with no explanation.
Also I wanted to go to a concert with DS and it had to come out of my spends, which was fine, but he said if we all went then we could use the savings.

If I want to do anything with DS then I get guilt tripped about his DD. I have weekends with just DS so I would like to go to theme parks and outings, but he says I should wait for DSD so she doesn't miss out. Thing is she does loads with her maternal family, then comes and boasts about it.

I've started to look at things I can do with my DS which don't include him. I've found a house on the net i could afford, and would have £500 a month disposable income a month, plenty to save for amazing holidays and I think I've furnished the house 10x over in my head. My imaginary house and life is so exciting I'm beginning to think maybe it should be my real life before my spirit is crushed entirely.

He's a Dementor, OP. You will feel like you're on holiday if you leave him.

oddsocks

I have just left my long term partner because of how small our world has gotten like your DH he would only do activities he wanted and would not want to pay to things I wanted too. So no nice restaurants, holidays etc.

I am lucky in the sense I do not need to have further contact as we don't live together but life is too short to be drained all the time

After now a bad marriage where I was cheated on and this relationship ending. I fully intend to be selfish for a long time

Best wishes

@Oddsocks17 I was married to an emotionally and physically abusive man for 10 years that is how long it took me to work up the guts to leave and to believe in myself. I missed out on so much during those 10 years but when we divorced in my mid 30's, boy did I make up for lost time. And I fell pregnant even though I was diagnosed with PCOS and 8 years later met my Mr perfect.

If you stay you will regret it, but if you go there are so many possibilities in life for you and your son.

I'm sorry if this sounds rude but living with him sounds like a really miserable life

Time to get out.

If you have already mentally moved elsewhere, decorated that place and have a financial plan for being single, you are definitely checked out of that relationship.

Good luck

Leave! Be happy with your son, do all the things you want to do.

He's a miserable shite.