Friend keeps accusing DP of an affair

[WhippedScream]

I've NC because I suspect my friend is a MNer

Basically, my friend has repeatedly told me I should do some digging on DP because of some of his behaviours (staying away a few nights over the last few months, going to a very nice resort in Greece next year for work, working closely with a female colleague on a piece of work).

All of his behaviours have perfectly reasonable explanations and I've told her this. However, she just won't accept it. I've told her outright that she needs to stop implying my DP is cheating on me, which she did for a while. However, next time I mentioned something which she sees as a "red flag", she just gives me a look and it drives me bonkers.

I'm not sure why I'm posting, I just need to rant really. I love her very dearly but I feel like I'm going to have to distance myself

Do you think she might know more but wants you to find out for yourself?

Is she a very close reliable friend? Is this typical behaviour from her?

Maybe she is trying to tell you something?

Have you asked her outright if she has proof he is? It sounds like she's trying to drop you massive hints. That or she's jealous of your relationship and is trying to drive a wedge between you so you'll break up.

Has she had a dp who did the dirty on her, and now she assumes that other blokes all do the same?

I would ask her outright what she knows

Maybe she knows something you don’t and is trying to hint and you’re not taking it.

She’s trying to tell you something that she knows.

You need to ask her outright if she knows something or has heard something.

If not then she needs to stop it. If she wont then you should probably let her go as a friend.

She's doing the typical mn thing of oh, don't get involved, it's none of your business, no you cannot say anything etc, that gets spouted out on here.
Whereas the rest of us are saying, mate, you need to tell the partner.
So she is taking the middle ground because she wants to listen to the majority of keep out, but morally she has to say something so is dropping hints.

Slightly different perspective here - what’s her situation? Is she happy in herself or is there a possibility she’s trying to meddle in your marriage? Could she be jealous? Just a thought.

Does she generally try to sabotage your happiness or is she a friend who usually has your best interests at heart?

Who does she know that she might know something you don't? .

I think I have to agree with other PP, it seems to me that she’s trying to tell you something without explicitly coming out and saying it.

Honestly if my best friend kept implying Dp was cheating on me, we would have a serious conversation and I would want to know exactly what she knew. I trust her with my life. She is also related to dp.

If I told her her dh was cheating she would pay attention too. Because she knows I would only say things like this if I knew something concrete.

What type of friend is she? Does she usually try and bring you down? Interfere? Does she have problems of her own and is projecting.

If you trust her completely, maybe don't dismiss her.

She's a really good friend but can be a bit over-dramatic about things sometimes.

Actually, you have a good point. She was with a guy who cheated on her a few years ago so her trust was shot a bit. I don't think it's that she mistrusts all men, more that she might be more ready to pick up on signs.

I've asked her outright what proof she has - she doesn't have any apart from DP's "odd" behaviour but apparently these are red flags/warning signs.

I should say she doesn't actually know DP - she's met him a couple of times and she'd say "hi" in the street but nothing more than that.

You need to have an honest and frank discussion with her.
She could be projecting but may also know something.
Listen to her and take it seriously, no matter how unbelievably it may seem.

What ‘odd’ behaviour and red flags?

It's very hard to know from what you've said, but you need to get to the bottom of it. Either you've got an unfaithful partner or a friend who is trying to sabotage your relationship.

If she's only met your DP a handful of times and you don't have friends in common its unlikely she has stumbled across evidence of an affair -- unless she has bumped into him with someone somewhere which is possible.

On the face of it it sounds as if she is a little paranoid and reading too much into it. I think having put it out there she is now obliged to follow through if she knows more than she is letting on.

I think you need to say to her that she either tells you everything she knows or stops trying to sabotage your relationship based on half-baked theories and drops the subject completely.

She knows something and wants you to find out for yourself

Maybe listen to her she probably has a point.

She couldn’t be involved with him
Herself could she??

She's too persistent. She mentioned it once, she's done her duty. That should be enough. Unless she's got evidence she shout shut up now.

If she does know something and is hinting rather than saying, she should shit or get off the pot! I agree that you should ask her if she has any definitive evidence or if she's just theorising aloud and let her tell you or not.