Why is my ex talking bad about me to his girlfriend?

[Mummy20188]

Ok well basically me and my kids dad broke up about 7 months ago. He started seeing someone new, well to shorten things up a bit originally he hadn't even told her about us. He was here one day and I got a hold of his phone and seen messages and asked her who she was and she said she was his girl. She asked who I was I told her and she stated I didn't know about you or the child you all share together. Fast forward a few months he ended up being with her but trying to come over to my house spending time with me and playing family man saying he really had nothing in common with her and wanted his family back but was confused. Well to shorten things up he ended up staying with her but was still coming over to my house, he had told her he was not talking to me any longer and it was only about our kids which was not true. We were still sexually active, he would come over watch movies, cook dinner all the above and made me think he wasn't dealing with her either. Well come to find out when he wasn't with me he was with her and basically she got a hold of his phone found out that he had been lieing to her and told me things that I could not believe he would say and I know it's true because only he knew these personal things about me. He talks about me to her like a dog!! I couldn't believe it I don't understand why he has to talk bad about the mother of his children like that to a chick he's only been knowing a few months. Also she threatened to leave him and he begged her, cried, blew her phone and she sent me screenshots of things he was saying. He was so cold and mean to me during all of this. Has anyone ever been thru this and what is his reason for telling her all my personal business and talking bad about me...? He is the one in the wrong so why talk about me to her??.. Im your kids mom and put in years and she's been around less then 180 days! I never say anything bad about him to anyone and do more defending him then anything but the things I found out he told her had me in tears... If he wants to be with her then be with her and leave me alone but I don't feel it was necessary to tell her such private things about my life and things I have gone thru. She does a lot for him financially and he even told me he was using her. He lost his job and car. When her and I found out about everything I told her what he said.. Could this be why? Just need advice and want to know the possible reason for his bad mouthings?

Lots of men do this.

'Oh my ex is crazy, a psycho...'

They all seem to have had one ;)

It's his way of avoiding being accountable. He can blame you and move on. If the new girl has sense, she'll know this is a red flag.

I mean why are you surprised by this when you already knew he was a cheating dickhead? Why did you carry on sleeping with him? Have some respect for yourself and cut him out of your life

So you didn’t expect a man that acts like a shit to you to talk shit about you? You knew he was with someone else and carried on letting him have sex with you and kept it going. You’re surprised he’s a cunt and has no respect for you well no offence but have you got any for yourself allowing a pig to use you for a shag, wake up!

I think him talking bad about you to her was to obviously avoid suspicions, that any other than seeing the kids was happening. That was his way of making himself feel better when he was in his company. The same way he spoke bad of their relationship, when he was in your company.

I think he probably continued with you, as he doesn’t want to see the mother of his kids with anyone else, a controlling trait. He wants his own life away from family life, but then doesn’t want to loose the control he has over you.

Chin up, and leave him to his own life. He’ll soon realise he can’t have the best of both worlds.

It wasn't like that he made it like he wanted his family and wasn't serious about her

But it was like that He has been stringing both of you along.

You both need to wake up and kick his arse into the street, permanently!

There's a regular saying round here: When he tells you who he is, listen to him... and your ex has told you, loudly, that he is a shite talking, two timing cheating scumbag. All you have to do is believe him!

I agree with this. Because even if he's with someone, he comes by unannounced if he doesn't hear from me he will call and text me and seems to be more concerned about my love life than his kids. He also has admitted to driving past my house on several occasions.

I agree but it's complicated when they'res kids involved. He doesn't have kids with her.

I agree but it's complicated when they'res kids involved. He doesn't have kids with her.

It's not complicated, he's a cheating asshole, you're being a door mat, forget about him and move on. Let him take your DC out when he's seeing them, don't do family shit with him.

he comes by unannounced if he doesn't hear from me he will call and text me and seems to be more concerned about my love life

Because he has no respect for you and there are no boundaries, he uses your home and yourself when the fancy takes him, sorry to be blunt but it's that simple, he doesn't want to lose his shag piece, that's why he appears concerned about your love life. Time to get a proper set up in place for when he takes his children out and get yourself out there meeting someone who will cherish you, it's not him.

You texted her from his phone? Sounds like you enjoy the drama.

I do not. His phone kept going off and asked him who it was and lied so when he wasn't paying attention I got his phone to find out.

Not true, we spend holidays and time together that does not always include sex.