A bit of background:
I’m mid 20s, NRP of DS (3), amicable enough relationship with his mother. Long story short, we weren’t in a relationship, slept together once – contact stopped (from her side) and 6 weeks later she messaged to let me know she was pregnant. So this was not exactly how I envisaged my life turning out – always liked the idea of getting married, buying a house, settling down, having kids (I’m an only child so always wanted more than one). I have paid CMS since he was born and have him every other weekend.
My problem:
I just seem to have no luck in finding someone. I’m on POF, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Hinge (only learned about this from a colleague last week).
Swiping apps
I swipe right on everyone without even looking on the swiping apps.
I’m lucky to get 2-3 matches a week across all apps – which I would estimate as maybe a 1% match rate.
Very few matches respond to messages no matter what I say (from “hey, how are you” to attempts at cheesy chat up lines to asking them about anything interesting on their profile)
As such, extremely rare I get a date from these apps.
POF
I message predominantly women who also have kids (seem to get a slightly higher response rate and maybe there will be better understanding of what having a child as a priority means).
A first message will consist of standard “Hey [name], how are you?” plus a compliment on one of their photos (genuine ones too, if I really like their big eyes or they have a nice smile – I love a nice set of teeth) and then if they don’t have a blank profile I always read it, try to find some common ground and ask some questions about those things.
I estimate maybe a 2-3% response rate on POF – the vast majority ignore me.
Dates [when they happen!]
I think I’m good at leading conversation – I can always think of stuff to ask and topics to talk about and am happy to do this when the other person is quiet or seems nervous.
I think I’m a good listener. In fact, generally I think I learn so much more about them than they do about me. They don’t seem to ask me much. Maybe that's an issue?
First dates are usually drinks or a meal.
I always offer to pay and unless they are forceful on splitting or something, will pay for it all.
There was one girl who I went on two dates with and was actually so pretty (out of my league) and lovely, we messaged multiple times a day but then she vanished. After a few days I actually had the guts to leave her a voicemail as I was worried she was in hospital or something. Eventually received a response alluding to a stressful decision in her life that was consuming her but wouldn’t reveal much else and didn’t seem to want to keep in touch and maybe pick up where we left off when the situation was over. I'm still a bit gutted about it 
I just want a happy home life with someone who cares about me with the occasional date nights, holidays etc that normal people do. Tired of being lonely and once house is purchased will be coming home to an empty house every night.
As most people on this forum seem to be female, maybe some feminine input will help me identify where I’m going wrong or how to improve my chances.
Questions:
1.What do you think is the right approach when it comes to disclosing that I have a child? On POF it is right there in my profile details and description. On swiping apps I don’t put it on there as I’m certain it would reduce my miserable match rate even further. On the rare occasions I actually end up in chats with someone on them I will tell them fairly quickly and don’t proactively hide it (e.g. if I’m asked what I’m doing at the weekend and I’m having my son that weekend, I will tell them I’m doing that and explain about him)
- Any other apps I should try? What about paid ones? I’ve always been tempted by Match.com but seems expensive and not sure how many women in my age range (say 20 – 27) are actually on them?
- Some of my best selling points IMO are that i) I'm decently educated ii) have a good job iv) I drive and v) am a home owner (well, soon I will be). Is it vulgar to just stick those details into my profile description? At the moment my profiles are more around my interests (e.g. geeky movies, binge watching series, really wide taste in music, keeping fit)
- Other suggestions on meeting people, perhaps not with an app? I'm no good at just meeting people on nights out (literally have never talked to a girl I don't already know in a pub/bar/club). I don't have any hobbies where I routinely meet new people. There's a girl at work I think is single and is attractive but I don't have much opportunity to talk to her.
- I suppose any other general thoughts you have from this post.