My DH and I have been together for coming up to five years, married for two. I am 29 and he is 35.
We met overseas. He was from Australia and me from the UK. We basically got married so that we could get a visa allowing us to be in the same country (to clarify, we were in love and wanted to be together, but we had to fastrack our relationship essentially. The visa issue forced our hand.)
I remember at the time not being sure if I was making the right decision, but I reasoned that we would get to live in England together and try out our relationship. We could always get a divorce if things didn't work out, and if they did? Hey we were already married!
Fast forward and life has been difficult for us. My DH has never steadily worked. It's not been easy for him. He has work here and there and mostly nothing. We haven't been able to go on holidays or do anything fun, only very occasionally. He spends a lot of time watching Netflix, playing video games or drinking.
As well as the big job/financial issue, I've realised we have very little in common. I'm chatty, he's quiet. I like travel, he likes being at home.
I love him so much but I don't think I'm in love with him. I think in my heart I want to divorce and start my life again but here are my worries:
- I am 29. What if I don't meet anyone else? I know REALISTICALLY that 29 is young, but it seems that the dating world is brutal and I'm scared of how flippant/casual and cruel it seems to be. I am genuinely worried I won't meet a good partner.
- I will feel guilty for hurting my DH.
- The good things I will lose are his fidelity, security, loyalty, kindness and love. I call him my rock, as he is a huge support to me. He loves me completely - I've never doubted it - maybe no-one will love me like him again.
- Being a DW gives me some identity. If we split, I am a single woman and I realise I have a lot of fear around that.
But also...I want to travel, I want to explore, I want to meet someone who is compatible with me, he has enough money for us to have fun and make memories without having to stress.
I don't know if I've just got my head up my butt and not appreciating what I have. If I think to 20 years from now, I feel bored at the thought of staying with DH. At 29, should I feel that way? Or should I grow up and accept marriage isn't always fun?
Honest answers would really help please.