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Original poster

Transvestite ex h. What did he mean with those comments?????

13 replies

summerbutterflies · 30/10/2018 11:19

Ok, long story short.... divorced my ex husband of 25 two years ago. During the divorce, he admitted that he had been hiding his cross dressing from me for all of our marriage. I was devastated as you can imagine and the whole situation still gives me nightmares and confuses me to this day. Despite him saying "it's just a hobby!", he came out with some really odd comments which makes me think it was not just a hobby and perhaps he had got to the point in his life where he was not happy with who he was? The divorce was never not the cards until I found out that he'd paid for a hooker.

During some text messages he came out with "I've always been your bitch, let's have a bitch fight!". (We always had a really equal, calm and gentle marriage)
"I've always wanted someone to dress me up as a woman"
"I want to feel what it's like to have sex as a woman does".
He also said he got to the point of wearing full on make-up, wigs, undies, stockings and secretary outfits when no one was around.

I'm all for people being who they feel they want to be ( and i honestly hope he finds happiness) but the shock for me is still 100% there and I keep mulling things over in my mind and mourning the loss of our family unit.

Does anyone have any experience or thoughts on the above?

OP posts:
Renarde1975 · 30/10/2018 11:27

Yes, I have some thoughts. I have had experience with a male cross dresser before. It came quite out of the blue. At first, it was a shock then I gradually got used to it. He would then start to CD around me - even in bed. TBH; I actually found it a turn on and that really surprised me as I didn't think it would. However, this was a short term relationship thing so no wonder you are shocked after 25 years!

I'm not an expert OP but it is entirely possible that it was just CD and not a wish to change gender.

AngelsSins · 30/10/2018 14:35

To me he sounds like a mysoginist who fetishises womanhood, and was maybe hoping you would play some part in this fetish. Thank your lucky stars you’re out of it.

Branleuse · 30/10/2018 14:44

autogynephilia

Bodabing · 30/10/2018 14:44

Cross dressing as a fetish is not uncommon,and is not the same as trans gender, but odd for him to send that stuff one you were divorcing. It's not like you were going to be interested in any type of sexual relations after he'd been with a hooker! Only thought is perhaps once you knew you were the only one he could send those thoughts to as I assume he hadn't told all his mates and family!

peekyboo · 30/10/2018 15:08

I guess putting you in a dominant role makes him less responsible for the breakdown of the marriage. It's like saying, She bullied me so I ran to a hooker.

Also perhaps he is now suffering emotionally because you know his secret. Rather than it being a relief, he's not happy and is finding ways to have digs at you.

Havalina · 30/10/2018 15:16

Sounds like sissification fetish/emasculation fetish, its surprisingly common. There are people who think it's at least in part due to porn, continuously looking for more extreme content.

The guy I knew (hence reading quite a bit about it) imo had a mix of internalized homophobia and misogyny with a huge dollop of mummy issues (had homosexual leanings, but not at all content with this).

MrBuscuits · 31/10/2018 06:47

@summerbutterflies perhaps this Home Secretary outfit would be better for him? Grin

Transvestite ex h. What did he mean with those comments?????
Notacluewhatthisis · 31/10/2018 07:32

To be honest it sounds like a fetish and he is replaying your marriage in his head, changing details to satisfy the fetish and the texts are wanting you to take part.

He wants you to agree he has always been your bitch, because that gets him off.

It's not nice and it's creepy.

CS12345 · 31/10/2018 07:39

Jesus. If an ex of mine tried that shit with me, he'd be shut down quicker than a flash. Are you responding to this shit? Tell him he can't experience sex as a woman because he doesn't have a vagina and never will have. Wearing a frock and lipstick doesn't make you experience ANYTHING like a woman.

AgathaF · 31/10/2018 08:06

Have these comments/texts stopped now? I hope so. You have no responsibility to reply to this stuff, to try to understand him (although I get that you may feel you want to), to try to support him in this. It's his issue only, and you may need to reduce contact significantly to protect yourself if he is still making comments like this that are hurting and confusing you.

Fredathetortoise · 31/10/2018 08:09

Welcome to MN, OP and thanks for your first posting. If you do a search of the boards you will find threads where other posters have experienced similar to you.

Mousey765 · 31/10/2018 08:12

Sounds like pure fetish.

Notice he's not talking about wanting to go to work as a woman or to Tescos.

Is he sending you unsolicited sexual-ish messages?

MrBuscuits · 31/10/2018 10:29

@mousey765 working in Tesco as a woman may not be thrilling for him as the majority of staff wear trousers Grin

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