Advice/opinion needed

[ellenlouise2701]

Hello, this is my first time posting. I don't have any friends and do not have anyone who I can really 'talk to'. I have been with my partner for 4 years. We have a two and a half year old daughter. We've had a rocky relationship from the start. He has never cheated on me but done many unacceptable things. Which I have never do anything of the kind. He has been the one for me and I wouldn't of ever dreamed of wanting anyone else. We used to argue a lot. Mainly because I am insecure from the amount of women he has spoke to behind my back. He tells me we need to focus on our future but he says I stop us doing that as I cling to the past. I can see what he means, but, maybe if he had been respectful and not done those things I wouldn't be such a worrier. He is he main provider and I work part time. I am also currently doing an access course so I can go to uni next year. I'm very focused on this and really want to do well and reach my end goal. I do struggle trying to cope with it all, work, study, sorting the house and our daughter. He helps a little bit, not fully. We've recently had a big argument and we've said we are going to call it a day. Part of me is happy and part of me wants us to work for the sake of our daughter. If we split, college will not be do able as I will have to work full time to support myself and her so we can find somewhere to live. He has tried to play the victim a little bit and make out in the terrible one. I'm not perfect but I have not done him wrong. I guess I'm just looking for opinions or someone who has left everything and started a fresh. The thought terrifies me. I think mainly the thought of him meeting someone else and then my daughter being around another woman :( I have had very serve post natal depression which he did not support me in at all. Instead, he was secretly taking a girl from work home and taking her to work in the morning. Which if innocent, why not mention. I sorted my depression myself by changing my eating habits and exercise. I feel I'm slowly slipping into depression again. I need to be strong for my daughter but I am really really struggling. Any advice given I appreciate. Xx

Oh sweetheart, sorry to hear you're feeling like this, and facing such big decisions. I really have no practical advice so just offering a virtual hug. Insecurity is such a chicken and egg situation - everyone feels it sometimes, and it can make us act in ways that increase the bad areas in a relationship - your partner ignores or belittles you, you come over 'needy', that annoys him more, you feel 'needier', etc etc. Not at ALL saying it's your fault, just that things can spiral till total loss seems like the only solution, whereas if you can both bring yourselves to be honest and try to manage things so that when the destructive pattern begins again you can step back maybe it is salvageable. But - knowing not much of either of you - you both need to make a positive effort for that to happen and to let go of past failings. It sounds from your dealing with depression that YOU have the strength and will to change things, but does he? Can you talk without it turning into the same old pattern? Of course your daughter is paramount, but children are very resilient if surrounded by love. And that's one thing you CAN choose - to give that to her unreservedly, no matter what the material circumstances are. So if you DO split, you have a lot of power to make it ok for her.