Partner working away from home/little sex

[Loneraaven]

So my partner works away from home Monday to Friday. When he is home he does all the running around after me treating me like a queen. I really appreciate everything he does for me. This is not the problem the problem is that he wants sex and I want sex but I feel pressured as I only see him at the weekends. He doesn’t push me or anything he just asks and all I can say is we will see how I feel he really wants sex We have sex maybe one or twice every three weeks. I just can’t get over the pressure that he is only home at weekends.i have also gone on the pill about two months ago so it also has a part to play. Please any help and advice would be great.

OP - something else must be playing in your head, because as you phrase it - it doesn’t make sense...
So - we all have to make adjustments around work and life in general...
No matter how much one may like morning or day time sex - most people work during that time and can do it in the evening.
Yet we don’t think of that as ‘being pressured into a schedule of the evening’....
So - both of you want sex and weekends is what you have available.

The way you are describing it - I am wondering if you are resenting him working away? Are you lonely during the week and want him to change his job?
Are you punishing him? Subconsciously, maybe ?

I find this a bit hard to understand. You both want sex ....you have two days each week to have sex.....but you don't want sex then because you feel pressured. But from what you say, it isn't him who is doing the pressuring at all - it's just some idea you've got that "if it's only happening on the weekend I'm feeling pressured" .

If you went away for a romantic weekend by choice , ie if he wasn't working away all week , would you still feel this "pressure" ? Probably not, you'd just have a good sexy time .

I have to agree with the previous poster, ie that you don't like him working away so maybe refusing him sex is a good way to punish him for this choice he has made. Think about it - you are treating him badly because of something he can't control . Not fair .

I think you need to loosen up. You say you want sex with your wonderful partner. So DO IT. I fear if you let this chasm continue to widen you risk damaging your relationship.

Sometimes the pill can dampen your libido. Have you gone off sex in the last few months? If so it could be pill related. If not, I don’t understand why you feel pressured if you both want sex. Is it something to do with the way he asks?

Maybe Loneraaven you have just lost your desire to have sex with your husband, and are afraid to admit this to yourself. Regardless of when he wanted sex, you'd feel pressured because, fundamentally, you do not want sex with him. LellyMcKelly is right, the pill can play a part in this, but sometimes it can happen for no clear reason.

The pill can squash your libido. Might be worth rethinking your contraception.

Yep I'm confused as well. You say you want sex but you feel pressured? Do you mean that feel you ought to have sex at the weekends rather than want to have sex?

Continuing the theme, Loneraven this is a very common pattern. The low libido partner (usually women, but sometimes men) will feel pressured, anxious, even panicked when asked to have sex, no matter how gentle and kind their partner is. The low libido person can even start to feel anxious in anticipation of being asked, like when you know your husband is returning.

Its a learned response. But it can be unlearned if both people are onboard and willing to work at it. I don't how, but there would experts who would. The Relate program I see mentioned here would be a good place to start.

I do not resent him working away I do get lonely whilst he is away and all I want is him home with me I dream of him I lay on his side of the bed when he’s away I want him. However when he is home I still want him but I just feel pressure and put off he’s not changed since I met him 3years ago.