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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is shouting in the car domestic abuse?

38 replies

Lovelymum2 · 29/10/2018 21:31

My husband drank more than I would like him to and starting shouting at me in the car about how controlling I am by keeping a watch on his drinking - I said drinking nearly a bottle of wine is not normal! Our arguments always are about alcohol and it is getting annoying and I want to leave him! Although he is not an alcoholic he has an autoimmune condition which makes drinking really harmful for him. I am fed up of being the parent and having to keep an eye on him

OP posts:

Beechview · 29/10/2018 22:02

Ignoring him all week is controlling too. You want to punish him.
You said your arguments are always about alcohol. Why don’t you have a talk about the alcohol issues when you’re both a bit calmer and draw up your ‘rules’ around it.

Original poster

Lovelymum2 · 29/10/2018 22:06

I have spent several years looking after his health and I think I have had enough.

OP posts:

Mishappening · 29/10/2018 22:09

Who was driving? - not him I hope.

If you need to ask if it was abuse, then it probably isn't.

You can talk about your concern for his health; but it is up to him what he does in the end.

al2002 · 29/10/2018 22:10

A bottle of wine every night is not normal imo but every once in a while may be ok if he didn't have a medical condition that contraindicated alcohol.
It sounds like this latest incidence is the straw that broke the camel's back for you. Wouldn't be getting sidetracked by whether this argument constitutes abuse.

Original poster

Lovelymum2 · 29/10/2018 22:10

Thanks I am ending this post now that I have attracted a troll

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 29/10/2018 22:11

He has to be responsible for looking after his own health. It's not your job to check how much he's drinking if he makes himself unwell then he does. He's an adult

Shoxfordian · 29/10/2018 22:13

Where's a troll? I can see people who don't agree with you. Doesnt make them trolls though

CrispbuttyNo1 · 29/10/2018 22:13

A person who doesn’t agree with you isn’t a troll 🙄

Wolfiefan · 29/10/2018 22:13

What troll?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/10/2018 22:16

Huh? A troll? I think everyone is trying to help you.

whatbeshrekking · 29/10/2018 22:16

If only all trolls were like the one on this thread

Dadaist · 29/10/2018 22:20

“I have decided to ignore him for the rest of the week and he can organise his own food/ life so I can’t be called controlling”

Ironically OP - this can be classed as abusive and is certainly controlling. Everyone knows that ‘silent treatment’ is an attempt to invoke anxiety in another person in order to control their behaviour.

Dadaist · 29/10/2018 22:23

Just read the rest of thread - states by others and OP is giving the thread silent treatment now....

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