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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

do I send a card?

9 replies

AbRoller · 17/06/2007 17:42

bit of a long story, sorry in advance.

I have been separated from dd's dad for over 5 years now but thankfully we have become good friends despite our history (always arguing when we were together). He started seeing another girl shortly after we broke up and they now have a dd together but sadly have split up too.

He is a wonderful Dad, speaks to dd everyday on the phone, has her to stay every other weekend and holidays and he is always interested in her safety, happiness, schooling, developement etc and pays maintenence but he gets very sad and depressed at these times of year, fathers day, christmas, dd's birthday etc and says he's letting his girls down.

It doesn't help that he is not given access by most recent exgf to his youngest daughter even though he is still paying the mortgage on their home and she says some very nasty things to him regarding his commitment to their child (can't assume too much as I only have his side of the story but I do know her and she is not pleasant or rational by a long shot, her own mother agrees with that).

Anyway, I was going to give him a fathers day card from me just to say I think he's wonderful and couldn't ask for a better dad for our dd but I'm afraid my dp will flip. He's really good with the whole thing and in fact they have socialised without me in the past so they get on great but is sending a sentimental card crossing the line?

I love my dp and respect him and wouldn't want to belittle him in any way but my dd's dad is a good friend who needs cheering up at the minute. Torn

Any advice?

OP posts:
Durdle · 17/06/2007 17:45

I think send one. You're lucky that he is still a big part of your dd's life and its brilliant you are still friends with each other. Would your dp feel threatened do you think?

BrothelSprouts · 17/06/2007 17:46

I would send one, and write those sentiments, but sign it only from your DD.

sniff · 17/06/2007 17:47

I would send one he needs reassurance and you can give it thats a nice thing to do

snowwonder · 17/06/2007 17:49

did you dd send one to him if not she could do one,

he sounds like a brill dad

mamapoopants · 17/06/2007 17:49

Ooh brothel, good idea
I think you should send one if you feel those things
Seems such a shame to miss an opportunity to make someone else feel good/better IMO

If you do send it from dd then it should head off any misunderstandings by your dp

EllieG · 17/06/2007 17:50

Have you thought about asking your DP about it?

AbRoller · 17/06/2007 17:53

Dp always said that he was fine with the relationship I had with dd's dad, it was always 'outsiders' who made a big deal of the three of us going for a drink as if we were supposed to hate eachother

He knows we talk daily and have a laugh but I've never sent him a card for fathers day or anything remotely sentimental and I'm afraid I may be crossing the line. Think I might talk to dp about it when he gets home.

Only problem is, he tends to go with the flow and may agree even if he's hurt by it.

OP posts:
Durdle · 17/06/2007 17:55

If you've never sent a card before then maybe just a text telling him how much you appreciate him might help? Especially as you know how he'll be feeling today with it being father's day?

AbRoller · 17/06/2007 17:57

didn't see all those posts before my last - dd has made him a card but another one with a little more reassurance in disguise would be brilliant. That's a good idea

OP posts:
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