Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner slapped me on my arm advice needed

25 replies

sheard · 29/10/2018 19:45

After a argument my partner slapped me really hard on the top of my arm it really hurt and was very red and swollen I took photos as he has kicked me on the leg in the past bit like a child he is ok in other ways and generally we are quite happy but he gets annoyed easily and lashes out he's only done this twice I've told him it's not acceptable and I won't tolerate it he did apologise but I don't think he means it I told him I've been to the police and I haven't pressed charges but I could....although I have not his job means a dbs I'd required so I don't want him out of a job .My question is am I over reacting as was just a slap I'm still not sure how I feel about this

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 29/10/2018 19:49

Red line crossed.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2018 19:52

Hitting or kicking is not acceptable. Ever. Why would you think otherwise?

LizzieBennettDarcy · 29/10/2018 19:55

Read your post back to yourself.

He's physically attacked you twice.

Are you going to wait for the third?

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 29/10/2018 19:55

You've told him you won't tolerate it, but it seems your actions say otherwise. Hope you are OK. This is in no way acceptable, and you probably need to look at leaving, and reporting to the police.

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 29/10/2018 19:56

Just a thought, would you slap him? How would you expect him to react if you did?

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 19:59

As a reply to an argument, and if you feel like it was aggressive, and he did it to hurt you, maybe you need to see this as the start of something potentially dangerous? Me and my partner enjoy a little rough and tumble now and again as fun, it’s funny we’re young and it’s not abusive at all, we both consent “right that’s it, I’m going to whack you with a pillow you arse” laughter on both parts but the way you have explained this is totally abusive. Trust your gut, it might sound ridiculous, but many abusers will slap/punch/kick the body as it’s rarely seen. And jeeeeez is ONLY a slap!?!? DO NOT allow him to say “aw it was only a bit of fun” you did not consent to have a little bit of fun play fighting...

Original poster
sheard · 29/10/2018 20:01

I would be upset I don't think he would hurt me bad and I honestly don't think he meant to slap me that hard would police see that as a attack if u did go to police???is never hit or slap anyone irs not in my nature but I do stick up for myself

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 29/10/2018 20:01

Sorry OP but he’s physically abusive towards you, would you accept this from a stranger? Chances are you wouldn’t. Just because he’s not punched you and given you a black eye doesn’t make it any more acceptable

Original poster
sheard · 29/10/2018 20:03

I am ok thank you i did go to tell his parentx but they where not interested they said they dont want the hasstle and didnt even ask if i was ok ive asked him to get councilling

OP posts:
Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:14

How long have you been with him OP?

Whatififall · 29/10/2018 20:18

It was only a slap.
It was only a kick on the shins.
Next it will only be a punch. Or only a push. Only a beating.

It’s an absolute deal-breaker for him to hit you in anger or frustration. You need to leave before it escalates.

Lolapusht · 29/10/2018 20:23

Absolutely not over-reacting. No violence is ever acceptable. Does he lash out at people at work? Does he lose his temper and hit them? Or kick them? If he doesn’t then he can control his temper when he needs to. You don’t sound particularly happy OP...he is “ok” in other ways and you’re “quite happy”. Do you need to be in this relationship?

frecklefox · 29/10/2018 20:27

I really hope this is a wind up because the thought of someone a) not understanding how bad this is and b) feeling they're worth so little that they even have to ask if someone hitting them is acceptable makes me really sad.

Orchiddingme · 29/10/2018 20:30

This is domestic violence/abuse OP. That's exactly what it is- a kick, a slap, it's appalling. Can you get some support from a friend/your own family? You certainly could report him to the police, you could also get support from domestic abuse charities as well.

caringdenise009 · 29/10/2018 20:32

Where is your red line as to where he hits you and it is unacceptable? Do you have that in your mind?

Aprilislonggone · 29/10/2018 20:34

My exh jammed my arm in a door.
Exh.....
Our marriage went downhill pretty quickly after he assaulted me.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 29/10/2018 20:34

His kicked and bit you and now slapped you. And you say he is "otherwise" ok

You need to leave. Now

cakecake20 · 29/10/2018 20:36

Leave before it gets worse . This is just the start .

wewillrememberthem · 29/10/2018 20:49

Would you slap someone you love?

Would you want your daughter, son, mum or dad etc treated like this?

If you've answered no to both questions it's time to leave. It really is that simple.

Original poster
sheard · 29/10/2018 21:13

Five years it's not that easy to just leave

OP posts:
caringdenise009 · 29/10/2018 21:25

My partner pushed me down the stairs when I was 81/2 months pregnant. He begged forgiveness and it was hard to leave. Over the next two years he threatened to hit me time and time again. It was only when I asked someone why he kept threatening to hit me that I was told there is a line:and on one side is acceptable behaviour, and on the other side is unacceptable behaviour. Your partners behaviour is over that line.

caringdenise009 · 29/10/2018 21:26

I was trying to excuse him for only threatening to punch me. Because it had become normal to me.

Wolfiefan · 29/10/2018 21:29

You won’t tolerate it? Except you are doing. Twice already.
It’s not easy to leave. But it’s worse to wonder when the next punch will come.
Hope you don’t have kids around this behaviour.
And if he loses his job? Not your problem.

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 21:30

OP has the behaviour got worse suddenly? Do yous live together?

Original poster
sheard · 29/10/2018 21:58

Yes we live together no his behaviour is sometimes moody but not like hitting or threatening as a rule he's ok doesn't drink or anything like that ok with money etc

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page