Where to begin?! this could be long but will try keep it brief as possible.
My partner and I have been together 16 years, we have 4 children - 15, 13, 6 and 3. Things have been less than perfect over the years, my partner basically a high functioning alcoholic and the past 18 months he was slowly spiralling out of control due to drink - being arrested getting into fights etc. He was a heroin addict at the age of 16 - 20 (he had been clean a year before we met) so i guess alcohol was a substitute. He always managed to hold down a job, had a successful business for the past 8 years and finances have always been okay.
The past year we barely spoke, i was asleep in bed by the time he came to bed and we both didnt see each other in the day as he was working and i was working at home. He would be out drinking at least 2 x per week without telling me he would bang on the doors to be let in at 4am and then we would argue about it. It was awful. Daughter became very ill start of the year out of the blue and had major life giving surgery in July (shes 13) however shes now well thankfully but is on life long meds. Then about June time right in the middle of daughters illness my dad became really ill, he suffered from a stroke and was not expecting to come out of hospital, stressed was an understatement. He wasnt very supportive but didnt go out and drink during the time our daughter was ill, and after my daughters op he was drinking again but much worse. One night he left his phone (august) and i found a series of whatts app messages to his friend where he was talking about how this girl was on his case, some of the things that they where talking about where awful, about women etc, and a certain womans name kept cropping up about how much he wanted her etc. I did some digging and found he was messaging this woman who is renowned for being odd and very manipulative - i was shocked, they where not doing anything but it seemed like she was setting him up with women who she knew and in particular this certain woman. I found this women on facebook and seen he liked her pics etc but no messages where on there. Anyway long story short i was ready to walk - we just sold a business and i was prepared to take my 50% and go. However he broke down, like really broke down on his knees hysterical (bearing in mind i had seen him cry once at his g.dads funeral), confessed all, i did have to message this other woman who had screen shotted me messages they had been sending for the past 18 months!! nothing too incriminating, they had never met up and it was banter most of it although he asked her out a few times and told her he was a single dad!! he also admitted to messaging several other woman (some being people i know!!) and sleeping with one woman he went to school with 4 years ago (one night stand ) i painfully contacted them to confirm. So basically he had been chasing 1 woman on FB for over a year and had messaged several others and had a one night stand with another woman a few years back. Devastated - i knew he was a dick with drinking etc but didnt think he was cheating too.
So roll on 3 months, he has stopped the drinking, deleted his social media account, stopped socializing with certain people and been the doctors to discuss his drinking habits and behaviour etc. Hes said and done all the right things, he is mortified about how hes been, recognised he has a BIG problem and his life was spiralling out of control and begged and cried for me not to leave him. He has given me full control of all the business sales money and basically been the partner he should be. He takes full responsibility and comforts and reassures me daily about how he loves me etc and how hes gonna make it up to me for the rest of his life. So even though its really hard and i am trying slowly to piece stuff back together and we are working at it again its really bloody hard!! we have started building a house and things are a 100000% better than what they where.
Until today. I have found out i am pregnant.
SHIT. I don't know how we have been so irresponsible :( this would be baby 5, financially its OK kind of but emotionally for me NO! its early days what if he slips back? he doesnt think its a good idea to go through with it, he's right - the youngest goes to school next year and we where hoping for a bit more freedom, we never get time alone, family all live miles away and its pretty full on. We have a weekend away booked this weekend and its taken alot to organize the kids to be looked after - its out=r first night alone/away in 6 YEARS!!!
I really don't know what to do. Its a huge spanner in the works :(