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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help me keep strong please

21 replies

changeofnameforinnocent · 17/06/2007 16:40

Changed name for obv reasons.... today I think that I broke up with my bf. I hate the person he is/became but the person I thought he was, was fabby...

Long story. Met him last year online, we chatted, via MSN then phone calls, got on well and eventually met up. We started dating that day and we were together for 13 months nearly. However he is a moody sort of person not to mention verging on paranoid IMHO (he's hacked into my email account etc, objected to me keeping up with friends from my late teens/early 20s and told me not to talk to them at parties etc as 'they're sad' ) and several times we had blazing blazing rows about me being 'casual' when it was more a case of me not rushing things as I have done in the past (he said I was, I said that I wasn't etc). Anyway we eventually slept together, had lots of weekends etc away but then he decided that the distance was too much and began hassling me to move in with him so he could keep me. To cut the story a bit shorter, he began to insult my family saying that they were keeping me where I live and not rushing to move in with him and decrying my right to hold my own opinions, regardless of whether he agreed with them or not. Today after a weekend of jibeing at me, including him insulting me last night, saying i had no life and would never get one, he began hassling me for sex saying he wouldn't see me for 3 weeks. I made a mistake driving on a motorway and he began hassling me to drive my car. I finally snapped and suggested that when he paid the car insurance, then he could drive my car. He called me a fucking ungrateful bitch and more besides and demanded to be dropped at the nearest tube station (we were in Essex at the time) so he could go home. In the stress of this situation, I actually missed the turning for the road I wanted and decided to take him to the nearest mainline rail station instead. Seconds later he went ballastic as he claimed that I'd driven over a pedestrian crossing in front of people. They didn't have so much as a toe on the crossing. I think the most qualified driving instructor in the world woudl have been criticised by him for something by now. Normally I would defer to pedestrians regardless of whether they're on the crossing or not but he was starting to make my skin crawl by this time, I wanted to get him out of my car. So I stopped the car on double yellow lines, put his stuff out and drove off - I told him where to find the station and got the hell out. Bad behaviour I know but I'm sick of being his verbal punchbag and the insults to my friends and family. Now he keeps ringing me and texting me as his train back isn't due til 8.30pm tonight. I'm deleting the texts as I get them, unread, and ignoring the calls as I'm frightened that he'll persuade me to go meet him again to "sort this out" (ie I apologise, grovel and he will think about if he wants to see me again). I loved him, or thought I did, but the whole relationship seems to have turned into me grovelling to him for forgiveness and tbh, I've had enough of it, it's unhealthy and unfair. I'm a reasonably nice person and deserve better than this. But he can't or won't ever see that .

OP posts:
mamapoopants · 17/06/2007 16:56

Leave and don't look back
Do not take calls or texts
He sounds like a total wrongun to me

Be strong and don't weaken when you feel lonely etc
Keep this thread and re-read what you have written. It should remind you never to go back to him

Be strong babe
Love to you
XD

mamapoopants · 17/06/2007 16:56

Don't know where the D came from!
Just a X!!

Tentacles · 17/06/2007 17:03

He does sound like a right twunt who was making you miserable, you don't deserve that kind of treatment, no-one does.
Left by the side of the road is where he should stay!

I hope you find someone nice out there who'll make you very happy

lou33 · 17/06/2007 17:06

you are doing hte right thing, dont acknowledge him any more and move on with your life

you do deserve better and will find it

CarGirl · 17/06/2007 17:06

ditto lou33

Speccy · 17/06/2007 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamapoopants · 17/06/2007 17:21

Speccy speaks wisely

changeofnameforinnocent · 17/06/2007 18:05

Oh God. He keeps texting me - I'm deleting unread - and every so often ringing me which I'm leaving unanswered.

Speccy, I feel like you've read my mind. You've summed up this relationship perfectly. I felt I was being so clever making it clear that I wasn't a doormat or a pushover at the start but it was sort of insidious. Must stay strong, must stay aloof.

OP posts:
warthog · 17/06/2007 18:05

bloody well done.

changeofnameforinnocent · 17/06/2007 18:06

I mean making it clear to him which he may or not may have construed as a challenge . I will not lose the ability to write my sentences in grammatical structure!

OP posts:
warthog · 17/06/2007 18:06

don't respond. otherwise he'll take that as a sign of weakness and leave you alone even less iyswim!

changeofnameforinnocent · 17/06/2007 18:09

Yes I do, if I responded, he'd give me the silent treatment then to punish me for ignoring him, then it would be his take on the dumping out of the car, then the issue that triggered my turning on him.... then all the way back to heaven knows what. Might go for a bit of a walk now, leaving my phone at home!!

OP posts:
Speccy · 17/06/2007 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 17/06/2007 18:24

You should be GODDAMN PROUD OF YOURSELF!

Don't respond to this bully again.

changeofnameforinnocent · 18/06/2007 07:47

Arrgh phone was off most of the night and umpteen texts on there today (now deleted) plus an email (ditto). Unfortunately I need to keep my phone on during the day as I'm looking for work so my agencies need to be able to ring me.

OP posts:
warthog · 18/06/2007 08:28

keep strong. he will try, but when you consistently ignore him he'll get the message. if it is getting to be a problem with work, threaten him with the police. but you must carry it through if you go down that route.

changeofnameforinnocent · 18/06/2007 10:20

He's just removed me from his friends & family price plan from his phone.

OP posts:
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 18/06/2007 10:25

How do you know that?

changeofnameforinnocent · 18/06/2007 20:23

I got a text this morning - not from him but the computer programme telling me that he'd removed me.

OP posts:
lemonstartree · 18/06/2007 21:52

Good!!!

he is neither friend NOr family and you are MUCH better without him !

well done, and stay strong

divastrop · 18/06/2007 22:01

well done for being so strong-and make sure you keep posting on here if the urge to text or email him back starts to creep up on you!

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