Where to start ... I posted here 8 years ago and had wonderful advice which I promised to act on and then didn't ...more fool me. DH had an affair with a work colleague back then foolishly I did the 'pick me dance' and he ended it. We've never been the same since as I always thought he thinks I should have been 'grateful'. I was mid career change at the time with little income from me so I felt trapped and 'got on with it'. (We have two DD - late teens now) In the meantime factor in major issues with both sets of parents (death/dementia and more - I have narc mother) and I had to give up my job to firefight this. He continues to be periodically emotionally abusive (name calling, not letting me know where he is etc.), drinks too much on occasion and is crap with money. I'm back working part time but my money is awful and I realise I should have left years ago. The guilt for exposing my DD to his shitty behaviour is HUGE although they have turned out magnificently despite it. (They just roll their eyes when he starts a rant or even pick him up on his behaviour). Bottom line is I need to line up my ducks and I'm scared but also vaguely excited. We tried counselling AGAIN this year and my therapist actually said to me that he was awful after he stormed out during our last session. (she did admit to being unprofessional but I think she wanted to shake me to see what was going on). We haven't had sex for years - the thought makes me wince and I wouldn't be surprised if he's sought elsewhere. The only money we have is tied up in the house equity and I assume he would get 50% even though youngest DD is 15. Apologies for the rambling but needed to get it out. I have a couple of friends IRL who know but they've heard it all before and I think they think I'm mad to still be putting up with it but then again, I feel trapped due to finances. Thankfully I have a new job to start in the new year which will be full time and salary not too bad but what to do in the meantime? Thanks for reading x