Would you put up with this?

[Sophie0579]

My bf has anger management issues and every time we argue he calls me a c@@t or a p@ick or something equally horrible. He threatens to smash up my flat but afterwards says it's all words and he doesn't mean it. He's 35, had an awful upbringing in care and had no parental guidance or boundary setting. I try and keep him on the straight and narrow and out of trouble with the law but he gets angry at what he calls my interference even though I try to explain it has repercussions for me. He's now said that me having a go at him for his behaviour pushes him to drink and drugs. He's so lovely and perfect when things are good but when they are bad he is hateful. What would you do?

I had one like this, for a few weeks. Great fun when things were going his way but god forbid you go over his tripwires, then he'd be very aggressive. Using aggression to intimidate is childish and unfair. The instant he tried it on me i dumped him ie: put the phobe down, blocked etc never spoke to again.

I was with an ex who called me a C and a B once, although never did again. That said, I find it hugely disrespectful and an awful thing to call a woman. It's just so vulgar, blunt, hurtful and nasty - I did lose a lot of respect for him and began putting up protective walls. Yes, he never did it again but I saw a side of him I couldn't forget.

You deserve far better

Hope no children are witness to this and you are not going to have children with him.
I would get rid but slowly and carefully.
He sounds the type to turn violent on rejection.

The minute you are trying to take responsibility for someone else's boundaries for them is the same minute you have lost your own.

You need to do the Freedom Programme.

You need to do the Freedom Programme
Yes you do indeed. And fast.
Call Womens Aid and discuss it with them.
There are red flags everywhere and you are simply ignoring them.
WHY????

He takes drugs
He drinks
He gets in trouble with the law
He is verbally abusive
He is aggressive
He threatens you and your property
He gaslights you
No doubt he stonewalls you

Why don't you think you deserve better?
What was your upbringing like to think that this is all you are worth?

I think you need some counselling.
Ask Womens Aid when you call them, about services in your area for this.

Can you imagine this loser as a father?
The male influence in your childs life?
Fuck that!!!
No no and NO again!

Get him gone and do it fast before is escalates and he properly physically assaults you (if he hasn't already)

There is absolutely nothing - NOTHING at all lovely or perfect here.
That's an act to reel you back in.
Stop falling for it.
Find a decent human being.
This is NOT one!

If he is 35 and behaving this way then he is never going to change. If he hasn't managed to sort his life or anger issues by now then he never will and you aren't going to be the one who changes him.

I had an ex like that, I stayed with him for a few years. His behaviour just escalated until it became violent.

Leave and don't look back

No I wouldn’t put up with it. Was in an abusive relationship once before and that was enough.

What would I do in your situation?
I’d walk away and not look back