We've been married 9 years together 13 have 2 dcs together I have 1 older dc and he has 2.
When I met him I'd been single 8 years had my own house we remortgaged and put his name on the deeds with a 70/30 split in my favour most of the extra money we borrowed went to pay off his debts and some to do some work on the house. Last year I inherited a large sum and was able to buy a house outright he insisted this was 70/30 too, we are selling the other house but it has fallen through 3 times it is in the process of being sold now.
I work part time as a ta to fit around the children I'm on a temp contract, oh has an ok ish job but has a medical condition where he will get progressively worse and this will effect his ability to work.
Last month we had a big row I told him I was unhappy i need him to be more kind and caring towards me and the children, he said he wasn't happy because I'm not a tidy person and he's sick of living in a shit hole. (I don't think it's that bad it's a lived in family home) due to his disability he can't do much around the house. I've told him I feel like a single parent I get all the bad bits of being a single parent but none of the good bits. When he comes home from work he has his tea then goes to the bedroom to watch tv he doesn't really participate in family life he will say it's due to his disability but he's done this since dd was born she's 11 now, he was diagnosed 2 years ago. I feel so lonely, when we do go out he barely talks to me he says he has nothing to say and he's always glued to his phone.
After our big row I thought he was going to leave and had looked into benefits cms etc and was preparing myself to be single, he was insisting he wouldn't leave until he had his 30% of the property. I told him I would be allowed to stay in the property until ds is 18 he's 8 now, he ranted a bit and said he wanted his money now he wanted me to buy him out, which on a part time temporary ta contract I'd never be able to do. I think he's spoken to someone because he then changed to saying he would sleep in the spare room until he could afford to rent somewhere. The next day he said he didn't want to leave he loved me and it would devastate the children. He wants to try.
There was also the issue of money at the minute his wages go into the joint account where most of the bills come out of my wage goes into my account and I buy food pay the council tax on the house were selling, my phone bill, days out, birthdays xmas and anything the children need. Hes not happy with this and he wants us each to put a set amount into the joint account each month and what's left is ours I don't see how this will work but it was one of the things I had to agree to in order for him to stay, he doesn't want to start doing this till the other house is sold, he also gets pip paid into another account but says this is his money and nothing to do with me, I feel like my inheritance he wants to be joint money but his pip is nothing to do with me.
my friends and parents think I will be better off without him I'm so confused, I think the marriage has probably run it's course but I'm not sure. I'm annoyed that I put all my inheritance into this house and now I could lose it. I've been looking at houses I could afford with the 70% from this one and it breaks my heart, for years I've dreamed of a house with a garden for the children to play in they love it here and I would only be able to buy a small terrace with a yard. If I stayed here for 10 years then why should he benefit from the enquiry I'd have put in? I could just about afford to live here on my own but not sure about cms payments because of his disability the online calculator says he would have to pay £60 a week.
There's some stamp duty to come back when we sell the other house and a little equity I think between 5-8k I'm not sure how much the solicitors bill will be because of it falling through 3times already they have obviously done 3 lots of work already. Think this will cause arguments I wanted to spend some on the house, have a holiday(me and the kids have never been abroad) and save some, I think he will want half of it.
I'm so confused I do love him but I'm lonely and hurt I don't want to break up my family I'm not scared of being a single parent I was one before for 8 years but I never wanted to be one again. I'm worried about the children, about the house I feel like it's my house because I paid for it and I regret letting him talk me into putting it 70/30 on the deeds. We had talked about splitting up before a few years ago, the inheritance wasn't straight forward I had a 2 year legal battle and part of me feels like he only stayed then because he knew I might come into money. I feel like my dream of not having to worry about money for the rest of my life is slipping away from me, I've spent most of my life struggling financially and I thought that had come to an end I wanted a better life for my children. I don't really have anyone to talk to in rl and this is all eating away inside me.