Can't stop dreaming about my late mum. [sad]

[glitterythingies]

My numb passsed away quite a long time ago. But lately I'm dreaming about her almost nightly and the dreams are always along the same theme; she isn't really dead but has been faking it because she just doesn't want to be around me, or she is alive but dying and I'm missing a last chance to see her.

These dreams are especially horrible because they really feel real and there have been a few times where I wake up not sure if she's really died or not.

It's excruciating.

I was super close to her, but towards the end of her life I was not there for her like I wish I could've been, and I also have other people from family being rejecting (one has cut themselves off from entire family all together) and I feel like those things are part of this, but it's always like my mum just doesn't like me, or I'm being a selfish shitbag in these dreams and the guilt/rejection feelings are the biggest thing.

I'm trying to work hard on being unselfish but also breaking free from people using/abusing me IRL, so I think it's to do with that but I just wish my psyche wouldn't keep choosing my mum as the symbolism for all this because it's utterly heartbreaking. I loved her so much it's not even real and I'm started to get scared to go to sleep.

I also have horrible memory problems and I can't remember much about what she looked like and her voice and stuff so this nasty dream version of her feels particularly torturous.

Has anyone got any similar experiences and how did you get past it and start having happier thoughts and dreams about your lost loved one?

Yep, I tend to dream about my Mum when there are other losses in my life or shifting emotions. Took me a while but I finally saw a counsellor to just try and talk through what was happening - so helpful after the initial resistance on my part. Sounds like you need to do some processing - talk to a friend or counsellor. Sending you a massive hug, it’s really flipping horrible.

DH has been dead a long time now but he quite often turns up in dreams. He's usually a lovely comforting presence. When I'm dreaming I understand that although I can see him and he can smile he's not allowed to speak.

But I have recently had several dreams in which he turns up because he's still alive but has just left me or left town. He talks, but only enough to tell me the basics - that he's left me. When I try to question him he won't or can't answer. If I press him he just fades away.

These dreams are really upsetting. I wake up feeling he's left me, that he may be alive. I just remind myself that it isn't true and speak to DH, telling him "Next time you turn up be lovely. Be yourself." I still often speak to DH.

Oh I'm so sorry. The brain can cause havoc sometimes.

I have recurring dreams about a male relative where he reaches out for a hug and I run up then he dissolves in my arms and wake up and realise he's not here.

Don't think strange dreams are that unusual.

Have you got a memory box of her with old letters, photos and things? It might help if you had one, then you could open it, look at it for a while and put it away. Favourite songs?

Wishing you well, I know how hard this can be

Hugs - my parents died in 2010 and 2012. I dream of them a lot, even earlier tonight dad was in my dream ... DH talking how my snoring was bad ... I was huffy because my dad was champion loud annoying snorer!!!

I find them ok but bit upsetting when I wake and think they're still alive, but a bit comforting too ❤️

I used to have reoccurring dreams of my mum, for me it was attached to denial in how she treated me. In the dreams she would be walking away from me and never respond to me calling her. She wasn't a very good parent, or even person, and it took me a few years into adulthood to realise this. Perhaps you have some realisations to make about your past that are starting to make their way out.

I don't believe in God ! but I have seen many people who have passed away
including both my parents and grandfather , but never my grandmother
even seen people I don't know , one or two who don't realise they have passed over , even had brief conversations with them
( I have mentioned on other threads briefly )

my parents took me to a Psychiatrists when I was 7 (just in case I was crazy ) I proved to that Dr I wasnt crazy ,and told him things I couldnt possibly know , his mother who was stood in the room with him and both my parents although mum dad and he couldnt see or hear what his mother told me to say to him

please be very careful consulting some fake who will take your money , and just mess your head up
anyone like me who has this curse, would never charge or make money out of what we have always been able to do
I don't need Tarot cards or anything else , that's just another load of old nonsense , I wouldn't call myself a medium , just a sensitive

most of these dreams involving loved ones are just our subconscious mind , playing tricks , usually someone or a similar set of circumstances may have been mentioned during the days/hours before the dream

with women it can be problematic being pre menstrual or menopause onset (hormones being all over the place ) friends who have reported similar problematic dreams ,there has always been a rationale explanation

one fiend has these dreams when the clocks are about to move , something I suppose to do with not liking dark nights

another friend started having these nightmares when she started eating Cheese , Chilli or anything spicy

other friends have reported dreams around Christmas on hearing their mum and dads favourite carol

I am not a Dr , and rarely talk about my experiences , for fear of professional ridicule , my other half has seen some things I have seen and didnt believe in anything until she met me

there are other people around like me , I know because I have come across them
the only issues I have is going into Hospitals, Care Homes or on London Underground (like in Ghost ) there are some things down there or energies that unnerve me
so whoever wrote Ghost must have spoken to someone like me

graveyards don't bother me either or witches , as I did live near a coven of so called witches who liked to dance naked in the woods on the last day of April (Mischief Night ) they were just ugly people who used that pretence to have sex , quite laughable like dogging for weirdo,s ha ha

Sounds awful OP, it's probably just unresolved issues that are being projected back to you in your dreams. I'm sure when you've sorted out the other things that are going on in your life right now your dreams will change. In the meantime you could try some guided meditation when going to sleep and again when waking.

Im sorry to hear about your loss. I
dream about my Nan when I'm down. I wish she was here right now as I'm having a really shit time 

I'm so sorry for you it is just unbelievably cruel .My mum passed in March and she was my best mate and my DS was only 6 months old her 1st grandchild. I have just started to dream about her and its is just breaking my heart, it's ends with her in black and me begging her not to leave me as I need her, then I wake crying.
I really do feel for you it is simply horrible. So big hug from me xxxxx

You felt you weren’t there enough towards the end and that could be part of this.

Is there a situation at the moment where you feel you aren’t doing all you could? Your brain could be splicing the two together. This is just a thought; I have no qualifications in this area.

Whatever is causing these dreams, it is horrible for you, so perhaps a professional could help.

I lost my mum very recently; it hurts a lot doesn’t it?

Good luck. X

I would agree with greenflamingo that some counselling might help.

I dream about my mum sometimes - she died almost two years ago. She had dementia and had been in a nursing home for five years and hadn’t known me the last time I saw her so it wasn’t a shock and really was a merciful release. In my dreams she is well and active again which I find comforting. My dad dreams about her often - he reckons its usually when he hasn’t been to visit her grave for a while she comes to nag him.

*mum not numb

Thanks for all the responses and to all who know the same pain of loss...

Yes I really do think there's something in my waking life that's informing these dreams. I have a tendency to have recurring dreams from time to time and they stop once I figure out the meaning.

But these are just especially painful because of them missing about my mum... I can tell there's guilt on my part in there, and desperately missing her. I am lonely at the moment and it's like a magnification of that.

But it feels like there's something more specific I am missing. And it seems important because it's been weeks of the same and my recurring dreams never usually plague me this badly.

I will talk about it with my counsellor (who I literally just started seeing again last week - probably about time)...

Incidentally my mum seemed to have experiences of seeing spirits. She even used to say goodnight each evening before bed to one in her house, who before that seemed to be knocking plates off shelves and smashing them.

She and I were extremely close but she had had a part in a lot of the trauma of my childhood (indirectly) which I thought we resolved but there was a time after her death when I was very angry with her.

I did work on that but then life decided to get complicated, hence the pause in counselling.

She loved me but didn't touch or hug people much and at the moment I feel bereft of true affection in my life so perhaps I'm seeing that as something to do with her.

But these links seem weak somehow, like there's an obvious point I'm missing.

I'll talk to my counsellor. Thank you all so much for your replies. I feel a bit less alone now. Though I wish none of us had to experience these things.