can this be anything more?

[Catherinewheelgirl]

I’ve been seeing a fwb for two months. We haven’t been sleeping with anyone else. He is affectionate with me and open about his life, letting me stay the night and meet his friends but can be hot/cold in between depending on what he has going on. I’m starting to develop feelings for him which I know isn’t good news. He seemed jealous a few weeks ago when he asked me if I talked to others and yesterday was telling me about chatting to someone but that he considered himself to be sleeping only with me.

I’m not sure how to handle this. He split up with someone in December last year and is still getting his life in order again. I want to say something but am scared if i rush in, it will push him away.

Maybe it will push him away but if you don’t tell him what you want/his you feel then you’ll just drag it on, whilst your feelings intensify, and signing up for a world of pain.

Talk to him. Say you like him more than a fwb and see what he says.

Why are you FWB? If he has said he wants FWB then stop seeing him if you're developing feelings. He doesn't want a relationship and you'll get hurt. In this case he has been clear. Listen.

If he hasn't said he wants to keep it casual and you are just assuming he doesnt want a relationship--then ask him. If he does, again leave it at that and move on.

If you're exclusive then you're hardly FWB. But he may mean he isn't currently sleeping with anyone else. But if you are FWB then you are both perfectly entitled to.

I've had FWB in the past and would say I wasn't sleeping with anyone else. I wasn't regularly sleeping with anyone else because there are only so many hours in the day. But I was open to ONS and met my now DP whilst seeing a FWB (so obviously "left" them for now BF). It was fine because we were on the same page. If one of you isn't....then it may be painful when the other moves on!

Could you ask him if the FWB arrangement is working for him? Might give you some idea whether he's just slow to commit (though I personally don't see an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship as a big commitment) or just sees you a fuck buddy.

I think you should look out for yourself and just tell him, if it's not reciprocated then pick yourself up and move on before you get in too deep, at least you have been true and honest to yourself.

There’s no harm in telling him how you feel and asking him if he sees anything more than FwB in your future. But you absolutely need to be prepared for him to say that he doesn’t feel the same way and doesn’t want a committed relationship with you and know in advance how you’re going to react to that - either that you can manage your feelings and continue as FwBs or that you can’t and will tell him that you can’t continue seeing him. And own that decision. And explore with yourself what it is you want, and work on your boundaries around being upfront from when you meet somebody new that you are looking for a committed LTR.

For what it’s worth, there’s nothing wrong per se with having feelings for an FwB, though, as long as you’re both in the same page about it. I’m tactile and affectionate with all my long-term FwBs and they with me - it’s really the whole point of the rodeo: we genuinely like, care for and are invested in each other. We probably love each other a bit, in that way you love a close friend. Just because somebody doesn’t want a fully committed monogamous relationship with the expectation that this will escalate into living together and marriage etc, doesn’t mean they don’t want care, affection, tenderness, intimacy etc.

I had a fwb. Although it was messy. We ha been involved but were both going through divorce and it was too difficult. So we stayed friends. Then eventually FWB.

I posted here because I totally fell for him again and was going to finish it, as I didn't want to put pressure on him to commit. When I posted I explained how things were between us. We would spend all our free time together, cook for eachother, he would pop in before and after his night shift, we would spend all Sunday morning cuddling on his sofa, he once asked me if I was texting another man then apologised and said he understood it was non of his business, but looked gutted.

I would have walked away if the lovely ladies of mumsnet hadn't have convinced me it was worth taking the risk of being rejected. They made me see that I would regret it more if I walked away and never knew.

He popped in the next morning after the night shift and we chatted. He is now snoozing on the sofa next to me, we are both off work and had a late night. So glad mumsnet didn't let me ditch him.

It really was worth the risk.

I am in a similar situation and currently decoding how I feel about it all and what to do.

Started seeing him a few months after a LTR broke down (we have 2 kids). Was quite intense for 6 months or so. Then both of us started to get feelings and pulled away. he told me he met someone else he liked, I told him to get on with it and see. I saw other people in the 6 months after it stopped and we had hardly any communication.

Then in May time, it started up again, very cautiously at first, just sex pretty much and very little in between. 6 weeks agp it ramped up again, I was very stressed, just moved house and he helped me and looked after me a bit in the days I didn't have the kids (cooking for me etc). He started to come earlier, stay later, lots of cuddles and bonding.

Now I am in the position again I am starting to get feelings, he is too I think (this time form him he seems more emotionally involved in my life). I need to talk to him and see what he wants to do, but I think we either need to go public as a couple (and I am not sure I want to do this), carry on as we are and deal with the enivtable hurt when he pulls away again, or end it now.

Thing is, we have such a nice time together, I never want to talk about when we are together, and I don't really want it to end either.

Like others have said, you need to talk (so do I....) and see where it leads.