I can't think of any words to console a friend who's being made bankrupt.

[Craftmonnie]

One of my dear lovely friends is being made bankrupt. Her (self employed) dh ran up enormous debts that were secured against the house. They're losing everything. Absolutely everything. And having to start over from complete scratch. They're moving to the very opposite end of the country as it's the only place they'll be able to afford to rent. I've tried to be there for my friend, keep lines of communication open. Tried to gently let her know I'll still be here for her as a friend no matter what her circumstances. But I think I'm being dropped. I can see her pain & it's awful. The couple are of an age that I doubt they'll be able to start over with a new mortgage, so the dream of having their own place again now looks gone. I hate to lose contact but I don't see what I can do about it. There seems to be nothing I can say to comfort her. I wanted to reassure her she still had someone to call upon for support but the reality is I think I remind her of the life she's lost. I hate losing my friend but I don't think she wants me in her life anymore..

She’s probably feeling humiliated as well as deeply upset about the massive change in her life that’s not even her fault. Her marriage will be suffering. She’s got a million and one things to think about and doesn’t have the time or emotional energy for maintaining a friendship right now. Leave her be and send her something lovely for Christmas to let her know you’re thinking of her.

"I understand you're having to start all over, but I hope we can still be friends as I really hate the thought of losing you from my life. Maybe we can have a catch up on Skype every couple of months?"

Just keep trying, even if she's not replying. That's horrendous for her.

Just message every couple weeks for a few months asking how she is and sharing how you are. I’d be surprised if bankruptcy is the reason she’s trying to drop you, that doesn’t make any sense. I went bankrupt at 24 and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in terms of starting afresh and getting out of the debt cycle. I appreciate it’s different if you’re older but I can’t see how financial issues would stop you contacting your friend.

Along with the trauma, anger and loss, she's probably humiliated and ashamed. Those sorts of feelings can make us avoid others.
She might think you are judging her, even if you are not.
She might envy you your stability.
She might be just angry at the world.

Send her a note saying you will always consider her your friend. And give her some space and time to process her disaster.

She is embaressed she is probably "dying" inside she as a pp said hasn't the emotional energy to say the right things back to you, keep in contact when she does move and if the friendship does fizzle out then sad as it is then you need to accept it, but I think she is just trying to get through the day without talking about it all.

I imagine she's feeling everything other posters have said. And the older you are the more emotionally that is invested in things like a house too. To lose everything and have to move far away can also mean she feels like she's losing part of herself too, not only the material things.

For that reason I'd be inclined to tell her how much she means to you, what your friendship is to you. Essentially the value of things money can't buy (but don't necessarily use those particular words).

I also wonder if it's too painful to deal with the feelings that might also arise from seeing you with your (relatively) perfect life and being jealous that you're untouched, even if she wouldn't wish this on you.

I think she is probably having an awful lot to deal with including possibly marital strife and a DH who may well be well out of sorts. She is probably embarrassed and upset and doesn’t feel in the mood to see anyone at all , I would just say to her you totally understand and if and when she wants to get in touch you are here for her, no judgement and that you value her friendship a lot .

I'm going thru a similar thing currently & cannot face contact with some friends. It's all I can do to carry on normal life without talking about it & breaking down. As PPs have said it affects your marriage, my DC's behaviour has gone terrible etc. All this while my friends are discussing extensions, new windows/doors, holidays etc. It's not their fault but hard when I'd like all those things too.
I think give her a little bit of space but make sure she knows you're there for her. I don't think you'll lose her but it might be difficult for her for a bit xx