What should I do?

[User95273]

My partner said he would marry me. But we had to wait for financial reasons.
We moved in together. It made sense.
I went off the pill because he had fertility problems.
It took us a while to finally conceive our precious baby.
Financially he was ready to marry.
But seem to have changed his mind completely and it no longer made financial sense to him. It makes me question my suitability to be a wife.

I had always wanted to marry. I went off the pill, trusting that by the time we would conceive, he would be ready.

He says he loves me and our baby is the proof.

Should I confront him? Be patient and wait? Other?

I fear that if he does propose, it will not be about love anymore. But about money. Marriage will have lost its magic.

Please be kind. I’m in a very low state.

You need to talk to him in depth about this. His thoughts aren’t the final ones. We all make mistakes. You need reasons for his thoughts and feelings. He has a responsibility here. I’m old and old school. Marriage coming first seems the way to less complications. Just my two cents.

What reason did he give for not wanting to get married? It doesn't have alto cost anything...small ceremony if that.
He needs to consider your wants to. Financially it makes more sense to marry as if anything happened to him as his wife you would have widow's pension etc to make sure you are both secure. It's not just a piece of paper...there are benefits for both parties when married.
But as you say, I would feel the same and feel that if he loved enough he would want you to be happy and show that commitment, particularly as it was on the cards to start with. What changed?

If it’s the cost of the wedding, I think it’s less than £200 to marry at a registry office.

May not be what you want but it negates the argument

Tell him you're going to leave because this is not the deal you thought you were entering in to.

You have to mean it tho. If you are too scared to "rock the boat" then nothing will change.

It is not just a case of verbally announcing that he has treated you badly, broken his word and let you down, and that you were worth more than being lied to... but you have to genuinely believe that, believe it and feel it, and be so turned off by how he is not a man of his word that he ought to fear losing you. Not the other way around.

Sorry but he’s not going to marry you now.

If you’re not already, I suggest you get yourself back to work full time, ensuring that he coughs up for half the childcare costs and does his 50% share of drop offs and pick ups, sharing time off work when your child is unwell, has medical appointments, etc.

Tell him you’ll be legally adding your surname to your child’s name (I’m assuming you gave the child his surname).

Make sure your name is on the deeds or tenancy agreement for the property you live in.

Seek legal advice on how to financially and practically protect yourself and your child in the event that you separate or he drops dead.

Put the fairytale to one side and just get really practical about it all.

At this point, living together, with a child and after having discussed it, it’s fine if it’s about money and security rather than romantic love.

What do you mean when you say it no longer makes financial sense to him? Does he not want a mutually beneficial partnership involving joint finances, next of kin, both of you feeling committed and secure? I can’t see why things have changed.

You are more than good enough to be a wife! He’s the spineless twerp who’s changing the game and making out like he’s the boss and gets to dictate what happens in your relationship and your life. He’s not. You get an equal say.