FIL has upset me.

[mumsway]

in laws have always been ok with me, no arguments, always pleasant, generous etc. have been with dh for 12 years.

dd is almost one year old, its their first grandchild.

the day after i came out of hospital following birth of dd, in-laws and great in-laws came round. FIL got camera out and started taking photos, haven't got a problem with this however he took photo's of everyone with dd except me. it upset me a little at the time but i didn't say anything. dh had not noticed but i brought it up with him and i think he thought i was being stupid.

anyway, forgot about this until recently when we went round to in-laws for dinner. BIL and girlfriend were also there. FIL got the camera out as usual, not one photo was taken with me and dd on although he took one of everyone else. i don't particularly like myself on photos but i would never refuse a photo with myself and dd and/or dh.

we called round last week and all the photos were on the laptop, FIL was showing them to his mum and dad and it upset me to see that there wasn't a single photo of me with dd or dh for that matter.

apart from one family photo which we had done for them at christmas they don't have one photo of me and dd or dh together since she has been born.

have mentioned it to dh again, he says he will say something but i told him not to. any ideas what to do. should i leave it or say something or am i going over the top.

I wouldn't say anything - it does sound a bit wierd. Perhaps have a photo professionally done of you and dd and give him a framed copy - see if he puts it up!

Hi - have a photo taken of yourself and whoever and give it to them framed as a gift? If they don't display it then ask them if they didnt llike the frame. Im sure they don't realise. Hope this helps

He just sounds excited to have a new grandchild. But you are being left out a bit, which is hurtful I completely agree.

When my dt's were born excatly the same thing happened. The grandmas were all jostling for poll postition and there is not one photo of me with them when they were born. Not one. Hundreds with every other Tom Dick and Harry, but not me and no-one seemed to want one with me in it with them either which still makes me when I think about it. Talk about 'thanks for the baby....see ya!'

It still riles me on the quiet to this day. I should have piped up myself but I was very 'post baby' at the time and super sensitive and shell shocked. They didn't notice that either though. Now I just remember to push myself forward a bit more often.

Why don't you give them some nice copies of you all in them. Big smile and a pointed 'I thought you'd want some of us alltogether for a change.'

I bet it's not deliberately done, just not thinking.

my parents do this all the time, i have never had a problem with it though.

the way i see it is i have loads of me and dd's together, when we go to parents house they take over and dd's get passed around all the family to have pictures taken, they dont see them as often so they obviously dont have as many with the children.

if it bothers you that much why dont you just mention in a jokey way that you have just noticed that they have no pictures of you and dd together and next time the camera comes out you want to be in the front line to have your picture taken.

You think that's bad? When DH & I got married, the photo FIL chose to display was one of MIL/ FIL/ DH and two sisters... I wasn't even in it! I made a jokey (i.e. sarcastic!) remark about it and he said, "Oh yes, MIL didn't like the one with you in as her eyes were a bit closed..." he didn't even bat an eyelid - thick-skinned b*gger!

On another occasion when DH took our two kids to stay with MIL/FIL, and I couldn't go due to work commitments, I spoke to them opn the phone, and FIL made a big point of saying how lovely it was to have 'just family' together.

Tell FIL that you have been speaking your mother about the wonderful photos and what a good photographer FIL is . Then tell him that your mother said, "My photos of mumsway weren't very good, could you ask FIL to e-mail me his?" Then he might realise what's missing ...

That's extremely rude in my mind. Editing you out of every possible snap. You're their mum!

Get them a poster sized framed pic of your DH and DD and give it to him on his next birthday. And say you think it's odd. You do exist after all!

Sounds familiar! My PIL have loads of pix of their GCs - every surface in the downstairs is covered. I think that in itself shows signs of obsession. Gives me the heebie jeebies when everywhere you look there's photos upon photos of children. Literally.

Anyway, there's not a single one of DH with his children. Nor of SIL with her children. There's not any of me with the children either but I don't expect anything less. But it's like they prefer not to think that the children have parents or that THEY are the parents. Ha ha. Very odd behaviour.

I wouldn't worry about it. You are DDs mum and there's not a single thing they can do about it, whether you're in photos or not. They are just weird. And rude. And insensitive. You got lucky!

I think it is probably just an oversight on his part, tbh.
I would be careful of bringing it up as an issue, as you may be left looking slightly unreasonable, as he is sure to deny that it was deliberate.
Next time the situation occurs, make sure that your DH asks his father to take a picture of you and him together with your DD.
I can see why you are annoyed by this, but in my experience it is best not to give PILs any ammunition to claim that you are being unfair.

Haven't read all the posts, so apologies if I am repeating others - my guess is that it is unintentional (if a bit inconsiderate). Next time you see your ILs just say something like - "I realised that I have almost no pictures of myself with my new daughter from the last year! Would someone mind taking a few photos of us both today?"

I've found that I have to be quite explicit with my IL's about stuff like this.

TBH don't tink its done on purpose my IL's who I get on very well with have dozens of photos of GC (my DD and BIL's 2 DC) they have one framed photo of me and DH on wedding day (still there even though seperated bless em hopeful I think)...but none of me and DD or BIL/DW with their DC even though I have given them photos of me/DD and all 3 of us - just think they are more interested in GC than u no problem with this really

thanks for all your replies, really helpful. i have actually thought of saying something like "we haven't got many photos of us as a family , would you mind emailing us some of yours" and then see what happens.

he has actually got nearly all our photos of dd. he asks dh every so often to email them all to him so he has got all up to date photos. feel like telling dh not to send them all but have to be very careful, don't want to cause arguments with dh. think he must delete the ones we send him with me on (there aren't many) as i've never seen them on his laptop. the photo he has on his desktop is of dh and dd and its one which i took. just really winds me up.

My pil are similar although it extends to my dc as well! They get their camera out and happily snap away at their other 2 gc but often forget about my dds. After our wedding they only put up a photo of themselves, none of dh and I. Dh mentioned it and next time we went they'd framed on of me and dh except I'm looking to the side and the wind has blown my hair over my face so you can't see me at all, it's a lovely one of dh though

Next time the camera's out, get dh to say 'what about one of mumsway and dd?'

we had the same too & i said to fil when he was snapping away could you take one of me, dh & ds for a change, he was quite happy to, didn't cause a fuss and generally says when taking photos lets have a family one of you.
This is one of the few times fil has been ok

think i will have to say something as it is dd's first birthday soon and i will be very upset if he does this again. never realised until dd was born how strange in-laws could be.