Is he lazy or am I bring unreasonable?!

[carlap82]

Hi,

I need some advice as I feel like I might be going slightly crazy!! I've been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year and he has moved in with me now. After going through a divorce and some rubbish relationships he is the nicest man I've met in a long time but we keep arguing about the same things.

I had a missed miscarriage this June after being 14 weeks pregnant, had to have a d&c and I found the whole thing extremely distressing and still do!! Now while I was pregnant me and my boyfriend did not live together. I went straight into nesting zone and wanted to move and make changes to things. He was so laid back to the point it drove me mad!! We had the chance of a house but he was reluctant to pay the rent and deposit which made me feel bad.

He is now really keen to try again for a baby but is still reluctant to do things round the house. He is a plumber and always leave his tools out in the dining room as he says it's annoying for him to tidy then away every day etc. He also doesn't seem that bothered about fixing the toilet or putting in a bath for if I get pregnant. See Mr logic is get all these things done before I am pregnant so that or lessens the stress but he doesn't see it that way.

I'm constantly nagging him about his mess etc, I'm just so scared of feeling the stress levels I had last time but he doesn't understand. He just keeps saying he took do these things when he absolutely needs to. He also says I keep 'attacking him'and that him having to keep things tidy is annoying?!

Part of me is thinking if he is like this now what is he going to be like if we do have a child? It scares me and I have told him but it's not sinking in. I don't want to break up but do I need someone with a bit more 'initiative or get up and go'.

It's just I feel like I ma having to plan for the future in my own and think for the both of us.

Any advice would be appreciated!

I think deep down all that has been said in replies on here I kind of know already. May be im in denial and keep thinking things will be ok? I mean I'm not getting any younger and I do want kids but like everyone has said if he is like this now and it's not even a year what will it be like later down the line. May be im scared that I won't find anyone to have kids with. I just feel like that things I ask him to do aren't that bad and we all Have to do things we don't want to do!!!

I think I need to sit down and have a hard think about things. My peace and my space has been totally encroached and my anxiety is really bad at the moment. I did dump him back in February because of his lack of drive and ambition but will my fell for his 'I've changed' ploy. It's my own fault really for thinking things would be different especially after the miscarriage and the crap I went through.

May be im scared that I won't find anyone to have kids with.

You did say that money isn't really an issue for you, so why can't you just go to a sperm bank and have a child that way? Denmark has a large repository, I seem to recall, it's super common over there.

Sorry to be blunt, but in all likelihood you will end up as a single parent anyway, going the donor route will cut out the stressful years in between where you're a new mum grappling with a baby and a useless DP who makes you feel like an anxious nag. Not to mention the years of shared custody, weekend visits, etc etc.