So tired

[GreyCloudsToday]

My DH has a chronic illness involving pain and fatigue. He often has to completely check out of marriage and family life to rest. He has depression-- it's related to suffering pain for so long. I am just so tired looking after DC under 5 and a new baby. I can just about handle the physical side of caring for everyone but emotionally I feel utterly spent. I feel suffocated by the weight of everyone's emotional needs and there is no end in sight.

There is no possibility for time alone, I am having to go back to work very soon before I am ready to get money. I am dreading it as the baby is waking every two hours. Our families are not nearby but I have some wonderful friends. However I am wary of being 'that' friend who drags everyone down with unsolvable and depressing stuff all the time. I had a great counsellor but unfortunately I had to stop going due to cost.

I'm not really sure why I posted as I'm not sure what anyone can say to help.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. Sounds like you're drowning under the responsibility. Something has to give. I think you need to explain to your DH that although he is clearly a priority, there has to be some kind of space for you or you'll implode. Even if it's just a yoga class or a swim a couple of nights a week. Can't help on the baby front I'm afraid-i never cracked the crying, night waking baby thing. They're lucky they go up!

Take much care of yourself OP. Your family needs you to have space to be well too. Make you you take it. 

@GreyCloudsToday

Morning grey clouds.

I'm sending you big virtual hugs.

My friend is a single parent with 2 autistic children, she got to breaking point so went to see her GP who organised nhs counselling (which is free) but also linked in with the health visitor and she now gets a weekend every month where the children go to a lovely foster carer to give her a break - she wasn't keen at first but it's given her a lifeline and she says now she wished she'd spoken up sooner.

Maybe this could be an option for you? People always assume foster care is put in place because of awful social situations which is not the case at all - your mental health and well being are vitally important too 💐
Please speak to someone x

I'm sorry that you're dealing with so much. I don't really have any advice but wanted to say that you're not alone. I'm in a very similar situation, except that my children are all primary school age now and so I can get some sleep. My DH sleeps 12+ hours per night during the week and 18-21 hours per night/day at the weekends. I don't have any family nearby and I'm exhausted. My DH doesn't want his health discussed so only two of my friends know the situation, which doesn't help much with support.
Please do go and talk to your GP - I had counselling through the NHS and it was extremely helpful to be able to vent to an understanding person, and to be reassured that it's ok to feel resentment and frustration because it is a crap situation to be in.
Can you delay going back to work for a few more months so that you feel more ready? Can you go back part time or reduced hours for a while? Then again, you might find that it's a surprisingly good thing to go back. Do you enjoy your work? Even if it's not something that you particularly enjoy, you may find that being away from home and being an adult as a separate entity from your DC and DH is helpful. My job is unexciting but straightforward and I (half) joke that I go to work for a break. Plus I get an hour at lunchtime to eat my sandwiches with work friends or to read a book (bliss). Being at home and being a carer to everyone is exhausting and can be very isolating.
Sorry, no wise words but I hope that things get easier for you. Once your little one is sleeping a bit more reliably everything will be more manageable.

Thanks so much for the kind words. Things seem so much worse at 4am when the baby is crying! I was really at the end of my tether last night.

The health visitor came to see me recently, I think she spotted things were tough for our family. I'll get in touch with her again and see what's possible on the NHS. Counselling was a proper lifeline and I was gutted to give it up. I'm sorry you're in a similar situation monkey but glad I'm not alone in feeling resentment at times.

Work is a new job, so a bit stressful but only part time, I'm hoping if I stick in it will be something good in the longer term, like you say monkey

Thanks