Hate the weekends!

[Unevenbeard]

My DH ended our marriage one month ago. Together for 8 years, and married over 4 with 2 young dc.
He told me he hasn't felt the same for 18 months, and has been with a former colleague for the past month. His behaviour hadn't changed up to that point, so it felt like a punch in the gut.
I'm all over the place at the moment and don't feel like I have anyone to be fully honest with about how I'm feeling.
One minute I hate him, and then I can't stop crying because I miss him.
I asked him to leave the night it happened and he now has his own place, and has the dc 2/3 nights a week.
I bloody hate the weekends and feel so lonely, I just keep having flashbacks of the years we spent together, everything reminds me of him and I am trying so hard to get over this, but I'm struggling.
Can anyone offer any advice?

Only a month ago? Of course you're going to be feeling like this. 3 months for me and I still feel a lot like you do.

It's a grieving process really, it takes time to process it all and you will swing back and forth through different emotions. Can any family or friends come over on the weekends? I find the weekends the worst too as it just amplifies the feelings I hide during the week.

It's shit, you need to start filling your time with stuff so you don't sit around allowing time to think what could have been.
Doesn't have to be anything major but get out with the kids and go for a walk, take a picnic with you go finding conkers, usual leaves etc anything to distract you.
If your on your own do something for you, join a gym find out some clubs/hobbies in your local area go and get involved.
It's a cliche but the only way to get someone to notice you is show them what they lost. By the time he realises what happened you will have moved on and have the last laugh.
Hugs for you xx

So sorry you’re going through this. Sadly I’ve been through the same and also found the weekends tough going too - it does get easier though, it’s taken me a good six months before I’ve started to enjoy them again and not think back to how our lives used to be. You’ve got the opportunity for a fresh start here where you find your worth and value. Xxx

Thank you all for the kind words Xx
Everyone around me, to be fair, have been amazing.
My family are local but I feel like I need to censor how I'm feeling, they all just want to punch him and he still has to drop them to my parents on the mornings I work because I can't drive.
I try to keep my weekdays busy with work, but I feel like I'm doing the kids a disservice because all I want to do is lay on the sofa.
I take them out but where I don't drive it makes it harder.
He really was my best friend, and I've lost that as well as his love Xx

Yeah I feel like family probably don't want to hear about it any more. Post here, lots of people have been through similar experiences. x

Have you thought about learning to drive? It’ll give you a new short term hobby that will give you some more independence and you also won’t have to rely on him so much xx

Aww im sorry, just know u wont feel like this forever the hurt will go with time its hard to go through pain like this.do u have any friends to go do things with at the weekends? when the time is right u will find someone else Xx

It's just the cost really of learning to drive and maintaining a car, the fact I am smoking like a chimney at the moment probably doesn't help the financial side but it's my crutch at the moment

It will get better. When my exW told me she’d been cheating and didn’t want to work at “us” it came completely out of left field (for me). It took months of alternating periods of shock, grieving, anger, denial, “fuck you” feelings etc before I was anywhere near reconciled to it.

Lean on friends and family. You’ll say some embarrassing maudlin shit to them all but if they’re halfway decent they’ll help you get through.

Try and fill the weekends you have free with something - go swimming on your own (it’s amazing getting through the changing rooms in half the normal time without the kids!), or volunteer somewhere. Take up a hobby, paint the house - anything that gets you up off the sofa and active.

Definitely don’t jump into dating again for at least 6-8 months. That was a mistake I made (starting too early - one of those “fuck you” moments) and I regret it in retrospect.

Have you managed to sort out tax credits as a single parent and applied for your reduced council tax as a single occupation? You might find the extra money will cover your costs there. I too was smoking like a chimney - use it as your crutch until things die down - there’s no shame.

That's exactly how I feel @Changedname, I'm all over the place emotionally, I have got a half finished house so that will probably keep me busy for a good while

@Pixikitten, I still need to do the tax credit application but it keeps getting shoved to the bottom of my list. I will try and aim to get it done next week.

Sorry if I've missed it but is your ex looking after the kids over the weekend? Or some of it? I'm not sure if you are finding it hard looking after the kids when you are so shocked by recent events, or lonely without him and them.

When the shock has passed and you have healed a bit, you may well be pleased to have some time to yourself at the weekends. Until then, be kind to yourself. Spend time with people you enjoy being with, eat nice food, read books to escape real life.

He's got them tonight and bringing them back in the morning.
I particularly struggle when they're not here and get quite tearful, but find it hard to motivate myself and put a face on when they're back if that makes sense

I'm just constantly glued to the telly at the moment, eating is still somewhat of a struggle

Cinema.

Go to the cinema. You have to leave the house. You sit in a big black room and look at a giant screen instead of the telly.

A none Disney film works wonders.

Think about who you were before him. In time, get those old tunes on and dance around the kitchen!

Get your nails done. Hair done.

It’ll all come back to you. You had a life before him and you’ll have one again.

When it happened to me, someone here said it wouldn’t feel this bad forever. And they were right. Where you are now is not where you’ll be in a year. Also right.

I had the whack in the face of my dad dying suddenly which put him and his antics into perspective. Double-grief, but you know - I’m ok. I don’t grieve that relationship now and haven’t for 3.5 of the years since it happened. He’s a nobhead still and unpleasant most of the time I have to deal with him for DS - but life is better now. He fucked me over and with hindsight, and enforced separation I was able to evaluate it.

You May feel the same.

It feels shit, so grieve. As the weeks pass it becomes more bearable.

It will feel better with time OP.

But distraction is mint. When the grief starts to fade - there’s a lot of adventure to be had.