Evening/Morning...
Not sure what I'm hoping to hear so more of an outlet/hand hold post really...
Just what the title says.... def the black sheep of the family and sometimes its so hard to accept and deal with. Have always felt seperate and that I don't really fit in with my parents/ siblings. Always felt/ was taught that it was my fault, even being told once by DM " I love you because I gave birth to you but I don't like one single thing about you" and when I wanted to go to college " you've always thought you were better than anyone else" since being on this forum I have realised she's a total narcissist and my DF a total enabler.
It all came to a head a few months ago when DS ( who is following in our mum's footsteps) had a huge row with my husband and DD (15) she was 100% in the wrong, misheard something.... she did later apologise for this. After the fall out the whole family took her side and myself and 4 DC totally pushed aside. I kept hearing things through the grapevine of discussions about us, when things we had done/ said up to 10 years ago were being brought up, the majority if which totally untrue! Fast forward to now... due to an urgent family issue DS and I were forced to be in the same environment. Decided it would be best to put the differences aside..
However I just can't seem to get past the hurt they've all caused. I can't sleep at night, constantly feel upset. I can't bring anything up as then it'll be that I'm causing trouble! The current situation is that I'm bring left out of some pretty major family stuff- DM admitted to hospital, other sister went to but her wedding dress with DM, DS, aunty and cousin...not invited! . then we are being invited to meals and sitting across the table, expecting to make small talk...
I just feel like I don't know what to do, part of me feels I should go nc with them all...
I just can't go on being so upset all the time....my DH is incredibly supportive, my DC such a lovely bunch (biased I know!) And really I should just concentrate on them, but the hurt is stiĺl so strong...
Part of me feels like the child I was brought up to be and the feelings are extremely painful.... any advice especially from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be so welcome.
Thank you to those who made it to the end!