Need your thoughts

[Wardey19]

I’ve been seeing a guy for approx 3 months. He is separated, around 18 months as a result of an affair. We have a lot in common and seem to be on the same wavelength in many ways.

I’ve had a bad experience relationship wise in the past and since I have dated for the last 18 months, he’s the first person I’ve met that I’ve really liked and clicked with. I’ve been reluctant to dive in head first at 100 miles an hour, I’ve explained my reasons why to him (due to my ex)

He always asks for reassurances as to how much I like him. I feel like I’ve been clear on this through my actions- we see each other regularly (around 4 times a week), he’s met my parents, siblings and some of my close friends.

He seems to have been honest with me up to this point. My main issue is this- he doesn’t want to go out much as he doesn’t want to run the risk of bumping into his ex. Whilst I realise why people tend to prefer not to have to see their ex! I feel it’s very odd and makes me concerned. I’ve explained this to him and he thinks it’s a pointless argument to be having. He says he wants to avoid any drama, I don’t feel listened to. What are your thoughts?

In addition- their home has been sold. I’ve met his parents and some of his friends

I would think it fair enough not to want to go to the places his ex frequents, but unreasonable not to go out at all. So it really depends whether you live in a city or a village - if the latter perhaps you could go further afield?

Have you met his friends and family?

I'd be concerned that he's not as separated as he makes out.

If it were me, the avoidance of going out would have a direct effect on how much I liked him. I would like him less if I thought that avoiding the ex was more important than cultivating the new relationship. And I would tell him that.

I’ve met his parents and friends. They are definately separated as he is currently living with one of his parents.

It has had an affect on how much I like him. I certainly feel that my feelings on the matter aren’t a priority. I’m not sure hers are either, I think it is more about him and him wanting a quiet life. I’ve explained my point of view, all he said was if the shoe was on the other foot he would be ok with it!

I would assume that he hasn't entirely split up from his ex. It's much more likely to be for this reason rather than that he is still so fixated by her that it rules whether he goes out anywhere or not.

They’ve sold the house though, surely that would say they weren’t planning on getting back together?

And why would he ask for my reassurances? Just an ego boost I guess...

Give him an ultimatum if it isn't working for you... Either he gets over it or find someone who is happy to show you off to the world rather than scared to run into his ex!