Need your thoughts

[Jungie28]

I’ve been seeing a guy for approx 3 months. He is separated, around 18 months as a result of an affair. We have a lot in common and seem to be on the same wavelength in many ways.

I’ve had a bad experience relationship wise in the past and since I have dated for the last 18 months, he’s the first person I’ve met that I feel like I have clicked with. I’ve been reluctant to dive in head first at 100 miles an hour, I’ve explained my reasons why to him (due to my ex).

He always asks for reassurances as to how much I like him. I feel like I’ve been clear on this through my actions- we see each other regularly (around 4 times a week), he’s met my parents, siblings and some of my close friends.

He seems to have been honest with me up to this point. My main issue is this- he doesn’t want to go out much as he doesn’t want to run the risk of bumping into his ex. Whilst I realise why people tend to prefer not to have to see their ex! but I feel it’s very odd and makes me concerned. I’ve explained this to him and he thinks it’s a pointless argument to be having. He says he wants to avoid any drama. What are your thoughts?

In addition- the marital home has been sold. I’ve met his parents and some of his friends.

Trust your instincts. Something is telling you there's red flags, and I would listen. Get rid and move on.

Did he have an affair or his ex?

People will no doubt come on and say he is still seeing her, or he is seeing someone else or whatever because of his reluctance to go out so much. Anwyay, I left me ex nearly 2 years ago because he became emotionally abusive. We have two kids together, I am seeing someone and generally we keep it behind closed doors because I don't want him to find out yet. I am not in a position I want him to meet my kids or be that involved in my life, and I will only tell my ex if it becomes more serious (at the moment it is a FWB with extra type relationship). He is totally cool with it and actually its quite nice, out time is our time, just the two of us, no interruptions, no one making judgements or casting doubt. I feel like we are in a nice little bubble.

Perhaps he doesn't see you as a long term option, perhaps he is trying to be sensitive, perhaps he just prefers there to be no drama. I guess all you can do is suggest if you want you would like to go out more, or he tells his ex he is seeing someone so if you do bump into her it isn't a suprise.

Pudding21- those were my thoughts exactly- that he was keeping his foot in the door with his still wife, which he denies. I’ve also suggested the woman he had an affair with is still around, he got highly offended by this.

I guess my thoughts are if he is over his ex like he suggests he wouldn’t have an issue with being seen with me

My friend went through something similar with her ex. Not saying it's the same situation but the reason they never went out locally was because he was a bit of a player - he basically enjoyed pulling lots of women in the local bars and pubs and didn't want to run into any of them or run the risk of them thinking it was tied down.