H is sooooooo f***king indifferent!!

[longingforaffection]

Can't even bring myself to call him dh at the moment. Ask him what he wants to eat, reply food, where shall we go on holiday, reply somewhere! I am always having to ask for a cuddle in bed he never touches me in the day, ie hugs cuddles kisses, always me that instigates and today to top it off as soon as he woke up he reached for his Blackberry not me! (this is not a first btw). I thought we were going out tonight for dinner, was going to talk to him about all of this, he isn't hungry now! so im on MN in my dressing gown after a bath thinking Im going out (had also managed to get into size 12 trousers not been able to wear for years, was soooo happy) now I am totally pssd off. Thank you for the rant, no reply necessary!

Oh dear! Can you ceremonially drown the crackberry? Perhaps go round and have a drink with a friend. I know how it feels (although my DH is much better since we had 'the talk').

Congrats on your weight loss though!

Won't say anything, just post to let you know we're here and listening!

[rrrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg]

that' s an alarm bell

sorry i'm no help at all and you must be feeling crap but tbh i don't think he sounds too ecstatic either

can you bear to back right off from him in every way and just try to exude serenity for a few days

just cook whatever you want but don't offer it to him unless he asks

give yourself some nice sensual experiences like lovely bath with scenty things, aim occasional kisses his way (blow him kisses if you have to) but otherwise just don't touch him for a bit

you sound v upset so try to be nice to yourself?

this probably very mixed post and hope it doesn't offend but something sounds wrong tbh

Thank you, have been in tears since this morning. He knows Im upset but is carrying on as normal.

Choosy, you are quite right there. Have made up the spare bed for tonight, feels quite degrading in a way to have to ask your husband to cuddle you everynight and to play second fiddle to a Blackberry.

it's very hard. but sometimes being more needy is a turn-off. sorry to be harsh. so back off, not for just a day, but until you see an improvement. maybe a week or two. be pleasant, but not clingy and don't ask him for anything, opinions included. just give him his space. and if there is no improvement, then i think you should suggest counselling.

A cooker related incident perhaps?

Warthog, totally agree about being needy a turn off, but I need affection, have tried backing off before and then he accuses me of being cold!! Have talked about counselling before, actually went to initial appointment with relate (on my own), he was horrified. Starting to think that I should just get a life, not for the first time I might add. Maybe join a gym, classes, get me out and meet new people, got to be worth a try I reckon. Am also going to have a bit of a pamper sesh at his expense. Thinking of either massage, body scrub or fake tan type thing, oh and also some clothes as i am losing weight!

Chocolate, that is soooooo funny!

Or send him here .

sounds a good start. so you've not been getting enough 'me time' either? (sounds so cheesy - but it's really important!). perhaps relying on him too much? i think it's a good sign he doesn't like it when you back off. perhaps there's a happy medium somewhere?

On a practical basis, I would personally say to him 'tomorrow, we are going out to dinner and you are going to pay attention to me and if you aren't hungry you can just hold my coat while I eat because we are married and that's part on the deal' and then don't argue. Book a table, when it gets near that time get in the car, if he doesn't come just go out for a few hours and don't say a word when you come back (but look VERY pleased with yourself). Chances are he's just being pig-ignorant and doesn't realise.

Strange thing is that he doesn't like me going out or 'doing my own thing', mad isn't it but I am so unfullfilled in this relationship I have no where to turn.

Chocolate, like you style, not sure if I'm brave enough to do that. Would love to though, will think about it.

Just DO IT ANYWAY if he doesn't like it tough - it's suffocating to have a relationship without time for yourself and it makes you more interesting to be with if you do stuff - any stuff - I'm running the mum and baby group in my village purely because it's something only I do, without DH and it gives us something to talk about.

Find something you'd like to try and give it a go a few times. If you are still miserable with your DH, then at least you will have some time out, but it might well make your relationship better too.

Chocolate I know you are right. H works from home, I don't work, he doesn't want me to, all kids at school. I am suffocating, you are right.

Ooh you are in my situation (except I have a baby at home). You HAVE to do things, otherwise you go mad. How about a part time job, if you don't need the money, something voluntary - work in a hospice or something.

Chocolate, sorry you are in the same situation, it is so draining isn't it? H has turned me down for drinks, either at home or out and dinner, again in or out. He is trying to make me suffer. Have just gone out and got myself something to eat and am having a glass of wine. he is ironing. Next week will be the start of a new me.

look forward to the new you. and stop worrying about what he doesn't like. it's not working for you.

I just thought I'd let you know I am in the middle of something like this too. I have just broken up with my partner of 3 years because of the same thing.

Lots of examples of indifference. He couldn't be bothered to go out with me for months but could be bothered to go out with his mates twice a week during that time. He never ever said thank you for anything I did for him, just expected it.

The final straw for me was him saying he felt like he loved me 'some' days just didn't feel like telling me at all.

Feel a big weight is lifted off my shoulders now. Moving to my own little flat on Thursday and although I am sad for the end of the relationship, can't wait to sit inmy own sofa with my cat on my lap and a glass of wine in my hand and NO ONE TO PLEASE BUT MYSELF!

So, I can totally sympathise. But just wanted to say there is maybe another option....

did you say he works from home, obviously finds it hard to shut off. perhaps give him some sympathy and stuff, then you can turn it round to yourself

Mine is actually getting much better - he's actually a really nice man and genuinely caring and interested in me, but he just gets so focused on things - including online forums sometimes - although I would be hypocritical to criticise that .

Longingforaffection - why wait for a new week - start right now. Paint your toenails and do something you would do if you were a size 10. Be brave - once you start enjoying your life more, things will get better!