I need help saving my marriage. My husband started talking to an ex girlfriend who he had a sexual relationship with prior to us being married. I asked him to stop talking to her and to delete her off Instagram (where they where talking) and he said he won't talk to her anymore but doesn't want to delete her. I explained to him several times how it makes me uncomfortable that he follows her. Weeks pass and I was using his phone and a message pops up from his ex girlfriend again. It wasn't a bad text but I got upset that he lied to me and continued talking to me. So I made him sleep down stairs all week. The weekend came and it seemed like he didn't even care that he wasn't sleeping with me anymore. So I decided to make a point and leave for the night. It seems drastic but I left because to me it felt like he was breaking my heart all over again. When we dated he cheated on me and this is how it all started him talking to another women, keeping it a secret, and making a big deal about unfollowing her on social media. He talks to other women, friends of ours and other married girls and I dont mind. I just dont see why a man should stay in touch with a woman he had sex with. This is a big deal because I saved my self for marriage and he didn't. So I left to the hotel and I was planning on being alone alright and I started drinking a lot. I have a 18 month old at home so I dont get to drink often. So I drank a lot and decided to piss my husband off and started talking to my ex. He started complementing me, bring up old memories, and I invited him to come to the hotel. I knew I shouldn't but I dont know what had gotten into me, I wanted him to come. I was really really drunk and when he came and I was still drinking. We talked a lot and just talked about life and how my husband and we both where very flirty talking about old memories. He tried to kiss me and I stopped him the first time telling him I dont want to be the kind that cheats. They later in the night he got really close to my lips and told me he really wants to kiss me, and I told him I dont want to make a mistake, and he asked if I want to kiss him. I said yes and he started kissing me, a lot. I woke up in the morning and realized what happened and had him leave. We didn't have sex. I came home and me and my husband didn't really talk for two days. Then I told him what happened. I tried to explain why it happened but I couldn't, I was happily married, I love my family with all my life, I have never thought I could be someone who cheats. I was disgusted with my self I had no feelings for the man, I woke up feeling sick after that night and didn't understand why I would wanna kiss my ex or why I invited him to my room. My husband left yesterday night and didn't come back that night. He come back home after work and spent an hour playing with our son while crying and I tried explaining how I made a huge mistake but they still both mean the world to me. He kept crying, asking how could I do this to him, and saying I dont love him. He left to stay at a friends now. We talked on text a bit, I kept trying to explain how sorry i am and that I love him and dont wanna lose my family, but I dont get much from him. I dont know what two do I have been crying for two days and everything in my body just hurts from the disgust of what I did. But i don't care if i have to be in pain like this all my life, I just want to get my husband back. What can I do to help get him to give our marriage a chance? What shouldn't I do?