Could do with being setting back on the right track

[Woodwormandrustholes]

Hi. Bit of a regular but NC for privacy.

I've recently ended an 8 year long relationship due to possible emotional, psychological, financial and eventually physical abuse (hit me once but vowed I wouldn't let it happen again). I say possible because as time has gone by I've found I'm minimising everything and forgetting his dodgy behaviour. However, I am still very much in love (I'm guessing with the person he pretended to be).
He has been calling me regularly,
promising change and occasionally sprinkling in threats of suicide in between his proclamations of love and offering me all the things he wasn't giving before. He has promised he has changed, his family have confirmed this to me.

I must confess he has been wearing me down and I said I MIGHT date him at some point if he shows consistent change. I've given him 6 months to show me and then if I see results, we could go for a drink. However, DC1 has since said he doesn't want us to get back together at all and I know my family would also be devastated if we got back together too. I intend on honouring my DC1's request but I wondered, is it actually possible for someone to be able to change (he blames his actions on smoking weed but he has now stopped it off altogether)? He says he has realised he has lost everything and is willing to put the work in to fix things and is showing me this constantly.

Apologies if I sound completely puddled and daft but the thought of an improved version of him is very appealing. Especially as I seem to have some sort of amnesia about his past actions!

Abusive men always but always blame something or someone else; it's never their fault. In this case he is blaming weed. No-one forced him to use this, he did so of his own free will. He

He is straight from the Abusers Handbook and is telling you a whole pack of lies re willing to put the work into fixing things.

He is also disrespecting you completely by continuing to call you for seemingly no good reason at all now that your relationship has (thankfully) ended. The wearing you down is a time honoured tactic in their arsenal of abusive behaviours. These men do not change; he will revert to type i.e. abusive towards you again at some stage.

By talking to you further this man has only further messed with your head and boundaries. He knows all too well that you are still very vulnerable here and he is feeding off that. He is still targeting you and by not leaving you be he still wants power and control over you.

Your boundaries and head were already mashed due to his abuses of you. DC1 and your family are right as well as more perceptive here and your ex is simply telling you what you want to hear. Please block him completely now and enrol yourself personally onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid. Contact them today and seek their help and support.

Thank you for your help AttilaTheMeerkat. Your reassurance is invaluable. Yes I still feel completely mashed and although my life is more peaceful now he has gone, I'm still obsessing and doubting myself. I mistakenly thought once he was gone, I would feel better like in past relationships. I will ring Women's Aid as soon as I can, they've helped me in the past but I wasn't sure that once the relationship was over, that they still helped. Thank you, I really appreciate your time, help and support.