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How do I get over my boyfriend cheating?1
Yesterday 18:13Crazycatperson
I have been in a relationship (off and on) with my bf for around 2.5 years. We broke up for a few months in June last year when I discovered that he had cheated on me a couple of weeks after we had got together (for the second time). It was a one-night thing which happened as he had remained on dating sites for a couple of weeks and was keeping his options open (even though we had had the exclusive talk before his infidelity).
After breaking up in June we got back together in September. We missed each other to death and he explained that he didn't love me at the time of his cheating, and that he loved me and would never be that person again. He was regretful and didn't look to blame anyone else for his actions. Having been on dating sites myself, I am well aware that people do often keep their options open for a few weeks before committing to one, and I believed him when he said he didn't want to be that person who couldn't look me in the eye.
Anyway, we've made great strides in our relationship in that he moved in in April, he prioritises me above friends, when he goes out or works away he always calls me and lets me know what's happening. Despite this, I have become a crank. I feel uneasy if he so much as looks at a woman sideways, I always check to see who he has added on Facebook or Instagram and I look at photos he has liked. This has bene the root of many an argument. I recognise it's not healthy by the way! He has the patience of a saint as he says he recognises why I do it but it needs to stop - I am well aware that many other men would run a mile!
We have some real highs where our sex life is great, we laugh a lot and we spend loads of time together and then some real lows where I get angry during sex as I think about what he did or he just annoys me for breathing (I have bad PMDD so I put that particularly thought down to that)
Don't get me wrong, he is not absolutely perfect now as he does have a tendency to tell white lies. He has lied about who is travelling with him to appointments (he works away sometimes). My fear is when he is travelling with a colleague regularly, they will build up this emotional connection and he will think she is funnier than me and they will of course end up in bed together and have this sordid secret affair! (by the way he is 52 and the women he travels with are in their 20's so they're probably not interested but such is my mind - sometimes though I even accuse him when I don't believe it would happen - see, crank!)
I am fed up of questioning him about simple things (like now, he is away in Sunderland and said he is going to the cinema. My first thought was "oh really, who is going with you?". Whilst I can control my fears sometimes (particularly when we're getting on really well) other times I worry he will leave me or cheat.
Yesterday, after me moaning the night before about someone he had started following on social media (another threat - in my mind of course) I went to work to receive a message from him, telling me he had packed his stuff and left. He said he wanted to be closer to his children (age 20 and 17) who live in Liverpool, which is where he is from and that he cannot deal with my insecurities. I called him immediately and negotiated his safe return
He came back and unpacked his stuff but said that this was a last chance saloon and that he couldn't deal with any more accusations as I was taking the joy out of our relationship. He said he messaged me as soon as he had packed his stuff and drove off as he immediately regretted it and he said thanks for fighting for us. He did however say that he wanted to get his own place next year so he could be closer to his kids (and that he would stay at mine part of the time and I could go to his. This to me is a massive step backwards and after further consideration he is thinking of other options to this - either way, I feel restless and worried. He has massive guilt about leaving his children when they were only little. I kind of think he should have lived closer to them when they were little and that they have their own lives now. I'm seen as not understanding when I say this though!)
Obviously, all this has added to my insecurities and I kind of feel I am on borrowed time. I'd like advice from anyone who has remained in their relationship after infidelity. Or anyone who has got over insecurity (I am someone who has a history of sabotaging relationships I'm afraid).
I don't want things like "a leopard doesn't change his spots" (the kind of thing I've said to him!!!) as I have chosen to be in this relationship and want to make it work. Any kind advice greatly appreciated, not just venting like I just did!!! Xx