Marriage advise

[Momof12018]

I’ve been with my husband for 13 years in total, 8 married. It was never the lighting bolt love but it was comfortable and easy. My husband is a good man, but simply I’m not in love with him anymore. We seem to have little in common anymore apart from our child, and conversation centres on what is happening in his life and his interest with no query as to mine. Nights in are generally him on his phone on the other side of the room and no physical contact it’s almost like we are roommates rather than married.
I feel sad and almost like a single parent the majority of the time, and I’m wondering if there is more to life, talking to friends who have gone through this (older) they have said to trial a separation to see if things can be fixed and not to carry on and wake up in 20 years when our child has left home and wondering if I’ve wasted my life. I know I should be lucky having a good man but have been feeling this for almost a year....anyone gone or going through the same?

Yes, for the last 5 years. Daughter grew up, moved to university, DH has his hobbies and things. Attached to phone at the hip. Miss my daughter as she's the one I have things in common with. Realised as well that he can be dismissive, rude and at times very disrespectful and I put up with it thinking that we would mature and he would grow out of it. Feel like work colleagues as we discuss practical stuff. Don't even like the same tv programmes or films.

Now in mid fifties I wonder if it's too late to start again, should I just be satisfied that he's a good provider and make do, and look forward to daughter coming home.

Working on making myself a better person and increasing my hobbies but really don't know what to do long term. No help I'm afraid, just I understand you're position.

I can imagine how frustrating and discouraging this is for you. And for him, too, presumably. Since he is a good man and treats you well, I think you owe it to him and your marriage to get into counseling as soon as humanly possible. Also, start actually TALKING to him about how you feel. Even if it's awkward and uncomfortable, you need to start communicating.

Yes, I'm in exactly the same position. Nice husband but I feel that way too. Although we are about six months into trying to address it. There are some back issues that have got us to this point but I've probably felt this way about five years, it has become harder to ignore in the last year, hence addressing it. Sorry to be vague, I'll post more later but got to go to work! But you aren't alone.

Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings?

Yes I am in the same situation, husband has told some lies about money which have chipped away at me and now wondering whether to leave an otherwise lovely marriage as I don't trust him any more and never will.

No intimacy though he would like to but he doesn't complain.

Perfect house mates is best description I've been getting all my shit in order for when we inevitably do go our separate ways.

That's no advice, just me talking about my situation sorry

Sorry to write and run earlier. Yes, very similar situation in my house which has been coming on a long time. I won't get into the why's and wherefores as to how it has come about, but I'm basically where you are. About six months ago I told him how I was feeling and he had absolutely no idea. We said we'd try and improve things but never really made an effort. Spoke periodically about it and eventually a couple of weeks ago I nearly called it a day. He knew we were at that point and still he was bewildered as to why. Which was understandable as I've spent a long time pretending I'm perfectly happy so as to not have to address it all, afraid of the consequences and the path I'd be taking. And the decision I'd have to make.

Eventually though I couldn't face a lifetime of "not miserable but not really happy either". I'm a generally chipper positive person but felt permanently deflated at home and not the best version of myself. I feel we're very different people now and actually, whilst he's lovely, I love him like a brother and friend and he's not the sort of person I'd want to be with now. I'd danced round telling him that for months as it felt cruel. But I reached the point where I had to, as it was either I give him an opportunity to change if he wanted to, or I go. He said he wanted to so we spoke frankly and he is making a real effort. I don't know if we'll get there or if it is too late, but after months of feeling uncomfortable and analysing my happiness every day, I do finally feel like I've been honest and this is our best shot. I don't know what will come of us so I can't really offer advice or say if this path will work but that's where I'm at. I simply don't want to spend the rest of my days feeling like I could be happier. I've tried to ignore it for too long.

Sorry. This ended up way longer than I intended.