Controlling relationship need advice.

[Rosie801]

Really need some advice. I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years I have 2 girls from a previous relationship who are 11 and 7 and I have a son from this relationship he is 1. 18 months ago he bought a house and we moved in with him. Since we have moved in together the relationship has turned toxic. Constant arguments and he is starting to get quite agressive and controlling. He doesn’t help financially and I have to pay him ‘rent’ at the end of every month, i am left with no money. I feel like I’m constantly crying, the kids are noticing and do not want to be around him. I want to leave but I have no where to go, I moved areas when I moved in with him, it is only his name on the mortgage as I have a poor credit rating. I have no friends and no family apart from a lovely neighbor who helps out with the kids when I’m at work. I’m at a total loss of what to do I feel so stuck.

Do whatever it takes to extricate yourself and your children from this toxic environment.
Start by calling womensaid for advice.
You CAN do it.

OP this sounds like a horrible situation, I'm so sorry. You should call LWA for advice too: www.lwa.org.uk/index.htm

You absolutely can get out of this situation. It will be hard but completely worth it. I'll be thinking of you xxx

OP I just thought that it would be a good idea to speak with your GP. They would be able to put you in touch with the right organisations.

And if the GP you see is a bit useless, make an appointment to see someone else at the practice. Please book an appointment in the morning, please look after yourself.

Still thinking of you OP. I'm sorry you haven't gotten more responses from ppl with experience in this area, but I do think speaking with women's aid and your GP is the best thing to do. Do it soon and get away from this horrible man. X

Do you have any family or friends who might be able to take you in temporarily, move you back to your old area or help you with a deposit for a rental?

Otherwise, speak to Shelter about your situation.

You can escape, but you need the right advice and careful planning. Search for an IDVA (independent domestic violence adviser) or a housing advice agency. Explain you are a victim of domestic abuse and you need help to get social housing. Or there may be a local scheme to help you get a bond for a private rental. Have a look on the Women's Aid website. Read the book "Living with the Dominator". Consider talking to your health visitor (ask to speak to one in private at your local baby clinic) . Do not let your partner know of your plans to leave. Call the police if you are frightened. They are trained to help victims of abuse.

Yay @BrokenLink thank you! I don't have any experience in this area and was hoping someone would have solid advice for Rosie

Op definitely speak to Women’s Aid; they can advise you on the best course of action including finding a place in a refuge. This would give you a place of safety and the support you need to find longer term accommodation. Please do this - it will only get worse. There is lots of help available and lots of advice to be had on this site by others who have experienced what you are experiencing. 💐

Should have said: call Women’s Aid and leave a message if they are busy - they WILL call you back. X

He doesn’t help financially and I have to pay him ‘rent’ at the end of every month
Hes a CF, just leave and let him pay his own mortgage the selfish fuck

He's a financially abusive 'CF'. Women's Aid - see if you can get the name and number of your local Women's Aid centre, I hear the national number can be very busy. If not, as pp said, leave a message.

You can get out of this OP, and have a much better, happier, calmer life

How are things now OP?

Still thinking of you OP. I hope you've got some information and are working on a plan to get out. Don't put up with this situation. It's shit. You can so better. x

Have you contacted anybody as yet?
You need to call Womens Aid
You need to call Shelter
And you need to call Citizens Advice
Take it from there.
But you need to get away from this 'man'
Fast.