Should I worry about this woman?

[Themusicjunkie333]

Been married 20 years.
I'm 40. As is dh.
A younger woman at dh work told dh she fancied him but as she is married and because my dh is married she would never do anything about it.
I think dh is attracted to this woman physically. I just know.
My friend works at dh work and I told her to keep an eye out for me. She has caught dh looking at this woman from a distance.
They chat most mornings apparently but not for long. All smiles and laughing but very brief.
Dh is the trustworthy type but I'm obviously feeling insecure. He's not acting any different at home.
I don't know if he just likes his ego stroked by this woman or if he's trying to get closer to her. Apparently he's the one that always instigates conversation.
My friend has been my friend all my life so I know she's not shit stirring. She wouldn't do that.
Should I worry? Should dh avoid this woman?
I think she has feelings for my dh. Dh told me he told her he's married so no can do.

This sounds really shitty. No idea what would be the best course of action. I couldnt do nothing though.

It’s really not okay to have your friend “spy” on this woman in the workplace. In fact it’s completely inappropriate. It’s also highly unprofessional for your husband to avoid a colleague simply because she is attractive and you are insecure in your relationship. People in happy relationships rarely cheat so I suggest that if you suspect that your husband might be tempted to be unfaithful then you seek couple’s counselling and deal with the issues in your relationship. Leave this other woman out of it. She has done nothing to you and you have no right to cause problems for her career.

Yep he's clearly into her

I'd say it's more unprofessional that they are confessing feelings in the office. How embarrassing.

@rosared how do you know she's done nothing?

Umm to above pp don't be pushing this on to OP's 'silly insecurities'. If my OH informed me someone at work had told them they 'had feelings but wouldn't act on them as they're both married', I'd be pretty wtf now?! Everyone has crushes, ooh they're lovely! window shopping type thoughts. Most don't inform someone they work with about it. Add to that my OH breaking their neck to speak to them, and desperate to inform me, and I'd be very much you can give your head a shake or fuck right off!

The unprofessional behaviour stems from a senior married man who is at best toying with a young more junior woman. This behaviour is unacceptable, even if she is foolish enough to reciprocate. These men are pathetic and horrible; abusing their position in the vain expectation that women half their age fancy them. Yeah right, the real story is they have to be nice to him. It just corrupts the whole work place.

To go home and boast about their "conquest" to their wives is sick. Why on earth is talking about this to his wife??? If he was worried or upset by somebody coming on to him, then he should have reported it. He is up to his eyeballs in it.

Now his wife is getting other colleagues to spy on the situation?? Great workplace to be for the rest of the team, away-days must be a right laugh.

The correct response to a colleague swearing unrequited love and suggesting an affair would have been to take it to HR.

This is heading one way....she told him she fancies him. Why do that unless you want something to come of it?

Don’t be daft op.

It’s heading somewhere unpleasant. Nip it in the bud and have some boundaries for yourself - ie, tell him what you know and that it must stop immediately or he can pack his bags!

I checked his phone too. Nothing there, turned out she'd taught him how to delete messages in a way not to look suspicious. She didn't want me to get the wrong idea!
Then she asked for after work meet ups to discuss what was going on. At these he hugged her to comfort her and advised her to go to relate with her DH. I however found an app that recovers deleted texts! He gave me his phone and we down loaded it together.

He is sorry, he wants to make it work etc but I cannot trust that if I hadn't have found out it she wouldn't have manipulated it further. Their texts make it clear what she wanted and the fact he didn't close it down when she made it clear but instead politely demurred doesn't fill me with confidence

Recommended reading Not Just Friends by Dr Glass.

Hmm I’d say trust your spidery senses. I know it’s not a nice thought but they are attracted to one another. However, you cannot control such things and you’ve just got to accept that. You will have your head turned from time to tie too. The fact that they appear to have discussed this though is not sitting right with me. That’s unnecessary. Crossing the line. I don’t think there’s enough evidence that there’s anything more. You’d be seeing increased working hours, secretive re phone/pc, sudden interest in his personal appearance and bounce in his step, less emotionally invested in you. That kind of thing. I think you’re at the stage where you’re watching/waiting to see if this progresses at all.

Would talking to him help? At this stage the only thing I think you can fairly object to is their inappropriate discussions. Could you meet her perhaps?

I think you've blown it all out of proportion. She's got some stupid crush on him. It's some silly nonsense.

Expecting him to walk around in sack cloth & policing who he can & can't talk to is ridiculous. He's at work, you work as a team, you got to talk to the other people.

Agreed. He's flattered, neither of them have done anything inappropriate apart from her silly blurt, and you're turning into Big Brother, complete with in-house spy. Honestly, OP, calm down.

Personally? I perceive this as a triangulation. Am I right in thinking that you were first made aware of this via your DH? DH obviously knows you have a mate in the same office.

It's all much to convenient IMHO.

And no, as some of the first posters have said; don't worry about the other woman. It's time to be fixing a very bright spotlight on what your DH is doing.

It's very weird this. So I know from my own experience as a married woman who really enjoys the company of one of my male married colleagues that as we're married the boundaries are set and it stays as friendship, joking about and not discussing overly personal things that would certainly bring us closer. I know if we were both single things would be different but I'd never ever discuss this with him as why would i. He doesn't need to know and it's disrespectful to my DH who I have no interest in cheating on.

It's perfectly normal to be married and find you fancy other people. We're only human after all but introducing the conversation is crossing the line and shouldn't be done.

The only reason she has told him is because she wants him. She's testing him out to see if he's interested. Really sorry op.

How very odd. How old are you all? This is the sort of thing you hear about in playgrounds not in workplaces.

So he fancies her, occasionally looks at her and has a quick chat to her in the morning. Shoot the fucker, he shoild have died from the waist down when he married you and never ever found another woman attractive. And if he did, he shoild make sure never to talk to her or look at her.

Honestly, op, if you think he's faithful and will remain faithful, is it really a big deal?

He has mentionitis ... I'd be worried.