How often do your parents visit you abroad?

[rachyrach85]

Hi,
This is my first ever post on mumsnet.

I was wondering if it is normal for your parents to not visit you when you live in a foreign country? My parents divorced when I was 15 . I left home at 19 to be with my then boyfriend now husband in Ireland 12 years ago. We now live in London and I really like it here. Both my parents are American and have new partners. My mothers partner seems to get jealous whenever I am over to visit so I don't really like going anymore and holidays are a bit sad. Anyways that's not really what I am asking about...my father has only visited me once(my graduation 10 years ago) and my mother maybe 3 times in the 12 years. She brought her fiance/boyfriend and he hated it and made it clear he hated my flat because it was too small(I was just a student at the time so i had very little resources but made do with what we had-tried to make them as comfortable as possible by giving them mine and my now husbands room to stay in) . Now I have a wonderful place and hope to host them but they haven't been back. They have plenty of money, own a plane and travel all over but never to visit me. I would love to have them visit. Take them places/dinner etc. Has anyone dealt with this before?

We moved to Oz from UK about 30 years ago. None of our parents (as of 2016 all gone) ever visited us complaining it was "too far!", although always expecting us to be around when needed. Other friends have parents more willing to travel, although possibly still more frequent visits to the country of origin,
and our younger gap year age relatives have turned up regularly with their friends (and their laundry!). I think the onus is generally on the children to do most of the visiting, especially when there is the idea that you are returning home.

I moved 8 hours away from the UK 42 years ago and my parents visited every year. One year they would pay and the next year we would. We would have paid every year if need be but they said no. This was a compromise. I also have other sets of visitors every year. My sister in law comes for a week on her own every year then her and my brother come for about 10 days together. Other family members come every couple of years. I’m expecting one of my sisters and her family in December for 4 days from Australia whilst they’re enroute to the UK Two of my children married people from other countries and their parents and siblings also come every year and stay with me for a week at some stage in the holiday. I love them and I’m glad we’re family. In between times I have friends who visit and I seem to spend quite a bit of time in the cooler months collecting other friends off cruise ships and bringing them home for the day. And just last week I had a friend and her son here for 5 days.

Family wise we also meet up in the Uk almost every summer, or we may go somewhere like France and anyone who wants to turn up can.

I’m lucky in that I never feel I’m away from my loved ones.

I’m sorry your in the situation you’re in Op. it must be extremely hard for you and I hope it changes for you one day.

Sorry OP, you asked how you would deal with it and I think wearing your heart on your sleeve and telling your parents how you feel would be the best way forward. Just tell them you love them and miss them and want to share life with them.

It is really hard. We are living in the NYC area because of the ease of flying back to family. It's extremely expensive and flying is the pits these days. Also, London is extremely expensive. They probably think they couldn't afford to do anything if they came to visit. We bring a packed lunch with us when we are out. People here in the US think we are crazy. If I ate out for lunch all the time we would be spending a fortune. I'd be bankrupt doing it in the U.K.

I think it's hard. My family are great and visit regularly, but DH' family we only see if we go there (except for MIL). In their case, it's mostly about finances so fair enough, but I know DH and SIL find it very sad.

As your parents CAN afford it, you should just outright invite them. Ask them if they'd like to visit at a specific time - perhaps Christmas or around a child's birthday or whatever. Tell them you'd love them to experience a UK Christmas with you and you miss seeing them.

If you've never addressed it directly, it may well be that they're still thinking that it's inconvenient for you because they haven't specifically realised that you've moved on from your student life.

This may sound harsh but I also chose to move away from my family so this applies to me too. I think you chose to move away so it’s up to you to go and visit them or invite them over, basically make the effort.

I tend to meet my family on neutral territory - we arrange to meet and make a “holiday” out of it. (Personally I always need a real holiday afterwards). It’s another option though.

But the onus is on you, IMO.

My son lives in Australia and because of the cost and distance, and also having several other DC between us we have been to see him 3 times in the last 4 years, but I don't know when we can afford to go again . We live a flight/ferry journey away from 4 dc who live in various parts of the uk and we see them all 3/4 times a year. 1DC in Germany and we try to go there at least once a year. Too many DC and so little time....

Hang on - they own a plane????

My parents visit me once/twice a year. That said, they have a house in another country which is only a few hours away by plane so would be ridiculous to not drop in when they're on my side of the world.

We moved 10 hours away from the UK, and we've had one parental visit (my in laws). I have had siblings visit and now that has happened my mum is getting brave and has booked holiday to come over. My dad will probably never make it as he has a fear of flying but won't admit!

We started getting more visits (which are cheaper and nicer for us as we aren't splitting time between 3 families and lots of friends) when we got hard hearted and said we weren't coming to the UK for Christmas because all the travelling was too stressful. We also have a spare room so can offer limited free accommodation, which helps.

Yes I agree. Ive suggested to meet somewhere as a family. I do come home often but It would make more sense for them to visit me due to them being very comfortable financially. But we do every other year .

I moved away from parents, we live in the same country. They only ever visited once a year. However, I used to visit them more times. We would sometimes meet up half way when visiting other people.

My mum has come to see me precisely twice in 24 years; my dad, never to my actual home (in US.) They are now too old and infirm to handle the crappiness of flying these days, and I do get that. I go back to the UK 4 and 5 times a year and yes, it enrages me when I think about it, and all the money I spend on coming back, so I try not to! That said, it's really helped me retain connections with my friends in the UK, so there's a positive side too.