Hello everyone,
I am a 33 year old woman, dated a lot over the years but never had what I would call a real relationship until now. I'm 7 months in to a relationship with a man I met OLD, he lives 90 minute drive away from me so we very quickly got in the routine of spending weekends together. At his suggestion we have had a holiday, exchanged keys to each others flats, and he was the first to say "I love you".
I am a difficult person, I have anxiety and abandonment issues due to years of neglect from my father when I was a child. Towards the start of the relationship I caused a lot of arguments that all stemmed from my insecurities, he was patient and stuck with me, but my problem persists that unless we are physically together I am in a state of fear that he doesn't love me, is going to leave me etc. Regardless of all the nice stuff he does, as soon as we are apart I am overcome with fear.
This fear has been made worse 3 weeks ago with his dad being diagnosed with cancer, my boyfriend seems to be coping well but admits he is feeling like he is struggling. He has messaged me every day but it is brief, just an update on what is going on, and I have seen him once for 4 hours in the last 3 weeks. This is obviously triggering me massively, although I have somehow managed to be calm in communication with him and just be there for him. I am trying to put my own issues aside for the time being as I know potentially losing a parent is far bigger than what I may be feeling.
Before this happened we were also dealing with problems in the bedroom, he has anxiety and performance issues and although we have tried a lot to have sex it has only happened a handful of times. Having said that one of those times was the most amazing sex I've ever had. He has been checked out medically and started having therapy, he has been keen to sort it out but still, it is a problem.
Do you think we are just doomed? I have felt more anxious than happy since the relationship started and am definitely thinking how much easier it is to be alone. I feel like i'm drowning in all the emotion and trying to be a good girlfriend but secretly wanting to scream that I want to see him more and that I just don't feel 'close' to him. I love him so much and when we are together it is the happiest I have ever felt, but is it worth how bad I feel when we are then apart?
I would appreciate any thoughts or advice on how I can try and sort my head out.