bloody men and internet porn - again

[ernest]

not for the first time, (although seldom) I caught my dh looking at internet porn. I know some people are a lot more liberal towards this, but I hate it, feel offended by it and very upset.

He even tried to lie and say he wasn't, even though I'd seen the hastily-closed pages. That was 2 nights ago & we've barely spoken since then & I've slept in thespare bed.

As well as looking at the porn I'm also really pissed off he's not really madxe much effort to bring our frosty silence to a close. I tried to speak to him last night, annoyed that he'd just gone to bed & let it drag on another night. I told him I found it offensive etc, then perhaps stupidly asked how he'd feel if he caught me looking at pictures of men to which he burst out laughing & said he'd find it really funny. So I stomped off saying I don't see anything funny about this situation. So there we are - 3 days now of not talking & I feel so down it's also making me miserable & bitchy towards the kids.

but apart from terlling him I hate it or not talking to him, what can I really do anyway? Maybe I should just pretend not to notice, because all that seems to happen is we don't speak, I eventually break the ice then everything carries on as before.

And lastly, we have sone. I don't want them bringing porn into the house. I know people are going to say that's unrealistic, but shouldn't I have the right to have a certain set of standards in my house. And if I find something degrading & offensive, shouldn't I be able to say so & ban it? What's the alternative - a copy of playboy on the coffee table? A communal jazz mag in the loo?

Sorry, I feel really pissed of about this atm. Any suggestions? Please? Apart from chop their willies off

oh feelingsad, sorry you're feeling so upset. Firstly, its very unlikely that all this stress / upset would harm your baby, especially as you're now 8 months pregnant, so put those worries out of your mind. I expect that you're partly feeling so sad about all this because it has come as such a surprise, and not a nice one either. Also because you're pregnant you may be feeling especially tearful and hormonal. I believe that men find it very difficult to go without some form of sex / sexual stimulation for long periods. Your husband has respected that you're not in the mood for sex due to the pregnancy and hasn't pushed the issue with you, but he has been looking at the porn to satisfy himself. Its unlikely that he has been 'going elsewhere' as using porn doesn't necessarily indicate cheating:these are two completely different issues. He says hasn't cheated and you have to decide whether to believe him, thats the most important thing. As for him using the porn, I think you just need to try to discuss this even if it is upsetting for you. It probably is a case of him using this relatively harmless stimulation (as opposed to cheating, etc) during your pregnancy and doesn't indicate that there is anything wrong with you or your relationship.

HelloMama thank you so much for your support and encouraging words, it made me cry. I agree with you and am still trying to get my head around all of this. We have been trying to talk over the weekend but I keep feeling so tearful and hurt, I think my ego has also been severley damaged and I feel really low. I understand he hasn't been cheating on me but I guess I also wish he/we were more open about our sex life - perhaps that is an underlying problem that needs to be dealt with.

We started to set up the nursery yesterday and for what is supposed to be a beautiful time for a couple to share it was just down right sad for me. The room looks gorgeous and I hate the thought of us being so unhappy when we should be the opposite.