I need a good talking to...

[Sillysausage12345]

Hi

I think I need a good talking to, I am so annoyed at myself and feel like a compete time waster but have no idea if I can sort this out or if I should indeed “try”.

So... I met a guy yyyyeeeeaaaarrrssss ago, infact I sold a rabbit to him and his partener for their two kiddies...

Fast forward 7/8 years the guy is now single and I so happen to buy a kitchen from him.

Anyway, we match on tinder probably a year later and go out a few times, he is unfortunately in a social circle where there are some not very nice people who I try and stay away from. Not that I should let this be a deal breaker, but one of the girls accused me of having an affair with her bf and basically beat me up over it... I wasn’t and haven’t ever just to clarify.

Anyway, things go good with rabbit/kitchen guy and one evening he comes over for dinner to mine, I make a mean Thai curry however he was severely hungover and looked like he was going to pass out. I would have preferred he’d cancelled tbh.

I felt so uncomfortable and on edge trying to make polite conversation I just wanted him to leave.

I was up all night worrying and panicking about not being ready for a relationship (been single 2years, horrible breakup, ex married someone within 5months, blah blah blah)

So I sent the dreaded “I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m confused and don’t know what’s the matter with me text at 2.30am...

He was cool about it, we’ve spoken briefly since.

Last week I started to rethink my mental state and sent a casual “if you’re not going anything later, i am about and it would be nice to see you” text. He had plans already.

What do I do now? Do I leave the poor guy alone after knocking him back and being a complete immature idiot and tbh petrified of letting anyone in or infact anywhere near me or do I just lay my cards on the table and say that I’d like to see him, let me know when he’s free.

I’m torn. If he was the one then surely I wouldn’t have freaked out... so I don’t want to waste his time any more by putting my cards down.

Help.

If you like him and really don't plan on freaking out and messing him around again then give it a try but if he says no, don't contact him again, it would be understandable if he'd want to give it a skip tbh

Maybe it’s not meant to be. Your paths have continued to cross but when it came to it, the possibility of it going somewhere freaked you out. That’s okay. Your gut is there for a reason.

Yeah I wouldn’t blame him at all for saying see ya later. I would, but then to begin with he was pursuing me for a good 6months, then it just got all too much for me. Instead of sending that stupid message I should have just chilled the hell out.

He’s a nice, honest person, he’s kind to me, looks out for me, is driven and has goals. A little odd round the edges but then who isn’t???

What the hell am I doing?

I personally DO judge a person by the company they keep. And he keeps dodgy, violent company. They are the people he has something in common with. Is he still friends with the girl who beat you up? Has he distanced himself from these 'not very nice people'?

Apart from the fact he turn up on a date so wasted you were uncomfortable in your own home. Talk about lack of respect!

I don't think you're 'not letting him in'. I think you've finally learning boundaries, but aren't confident enough in those new boundaries yet.

The girl in question used to date his brother about 15years ago, I wouldn’t say they were best of buds but it’s a connection I would rather not be there. But how can I say who he hangs around with if we weren’t anything?

It’s not a case if “finally” learning boundaries, I’ve always had them but not had much luck over the last couple years with dating.

You know what it’s like when you come out of a long term relationship you have to relearn dating things, and my word it’s changed so much from 10 years ago!