Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His ex wants to be friends

24 replies

MovingOn1y · 24/10/2018 16:46

He broke up with her over a year ago after dating for about 8 months.

We met about 6 months ago and have been dating ever since. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever had and he is a wonderful man.

The only fly in the ointment is his ex. She won’t leave him alone.

When they broke up, she wanted to stay friends and he initially agreed to. But when we started dating, he made the decision unbeknownst to me not to continue the friendship. I only learned of this because she posted a passive aggressive message on his fb wall about girlfriends coming and going but friendships lasting forever.

After that, he told her that he didn’t think it was a good idea to continue to be in each other’s lives.

She has not taken this well at all. She texts him every other week “just to say hi” and comments on all his fb posts, things like “well it’s good to know you’re still alive, lol”.

I know he still cares about her and feels sorry for her. I trust him to do the right thing and he feels that that is to just keep ignoring her until she moves on.

But it’s driving me crazy. I’m worried that eventually she’s going to wear him down and that he’s going to just be friends with her to keep peace.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Ava1988 · 24/10/2018 16:48

He sounds like a good one if he had made the decision to not be in contact with her and not respond. I can see why it's frustrating but it must be nice to know he's not messaging back. Could he block her number completely? Would that ease your worries?

TheFuckfaceWhisperer · 24/10/2018 16:50

From your title I actually thought she wanted to be friends with you.

I feel she’s not over him and wants to be friends to keep him around. It won’t work if there’s feelings involved. He’s doing right keeping her at arms length

lenalove · 24/10/2018 16:51

Agreed with PP - sounds like he's taking the right steps. To put your mind at rest though, maybe he would consider deleting her on social media channels?

Trinity66 · 24/10/2018 16:54

Imagine if this was the girl from that other thread yesterday where the guy was telling people that the OP was stalking him all the while telling the OP he loved her and wanted to make a go of things Shock

Just a joke, I'm sure that you DP is trying to be as kind as possible while being fair to you too

Original poster
MovingOn1y · 24/10/2018 16:55

Thanks all. Yes, I think he’s a good un. He doesn’t want to delete her on SM because he it will cause more upset than if he just continues to ignore her.
He says she’s a nice person, just that she’s finding it difficult to accept he’s moved on.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 24/10/2018 17:00

he needs just bloody delete her from his SM and stop pandering to her emotional dramas.. Flowers

hamabr86 · 24/10/2018 17:02

She'll find it harder to accept and move if there is a 'window' into his life. He'd be doing her a massive favour by blocking her.

Original poster
MovingOn1y · 24/10/2018 17:03

Ok, I will ask him about blocking her on SM

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 24/10/2018 17:41

If he says No to blocking her....... then you have a Problem OP

OutPinked · 24/10/2018 17:45

They weren’t even together a year and I assume have no ties to each other? He should just block her number and on social media, it’s the kindest thing for everyone involved.

Honeyroar · 24/10/2018 17:50

I wouldn't worry, it doesn't sound like she'll wear him down - more like drive him mad and make him glad he's not still with her.

I disagree that you need to dump exs that you've remained friends with. I'm very good friends with one of my exs - so is my husband now. But in this case your bf didn't really sound like he wanted to stay in touch anyway, she just refused to stop. It would probably be best if he disengaged with her. But if he mentions you don't like her contact or if you tell him to block her it both makes you look possessive and makes her think she's getting to you.

Hidinginthebath · 24/10/2018 18:05

I had pretty much the same thing with my DP's ex. They were only together 8/9 months too. She's not in her 40's and her name begins with R?

My DP maintained a friendship but she did a massive flounce when we got together and said it was 'too painful' to see him happy with someone else. But a year later started with the 'how are you? Can you do some paid work for me' etc etc. She ended up being totally ridiculous, stalking him, 25 missed calls etc. I stepped in and told them both some home truths and he blocked her.

She has gone round painting me as the unreasonable jealous gf but she's gone thank god. Sounds like your bf is handling it well but make sure you are clear what YOU will put up with.

Santaclarita · 24/10/2018 19:03

Trust him to handle it. He's doing the right thing by ignoring her. She'll eventually get bored.

chocolatebox1 · 24/10/2018 19:23

If she's making that much of a nuisance of herself I don't think he ought to be worrying too much about her feelings. It's one thing being friends with an ex but another having someone who is a complete pain in the arse hanging around in the background

Original poster
MovingOn1y · 24/10/2018 22:39

So I asked him how he felt about blocking her on SM. He said that he would absolutely do so if I wanted him to. But still thinks it’s better to just ignore her because he has no intention of staying in touch and actively blocking her might jolt the situation and create unnecessary drama since it’s a small town we live in and everyone knows everyone.

I sort of think he’s right. But he has said he’ll do whatever I am happiest with.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 24/10/2018 22:44

Bollocks, OP. Is he not enjoying this a tiny bit? That she’s still hankering after him? He needs to block her.

Santaclarita · 25/10/2018 05:38

To be honest, if he has no intention of staying in touch, why bother staying 'friends' on sm? No point is there, unless he is enjoying her pining for him.

Gemini69 · 25/10/2018 13:47

Bollocks, OP. Is he not enjoying this a tiny bit? That she’s still hankering after him? He needs to block her.

I agree with this... She's already causing problems.. but He'll ONLY block her if YOU want him too.. behave ?! he needs to grow a pair and block her unless he's enjoying her chasing him.. which now sounds like he rather does.... Hmm

hellsbellsmelons · 25/10/2018 14:01

He should just block her.
He must be enjoying it otherwise he would have done it ages ago.

girlfriends coming and going but friendships lasting forever
YEP - and she WAS a girlfriend and she's now gone.

I just don't get why he is OK with this.

A more recent Ex of mine was like this.
I tried not to block him because I didn't want to cause upset but it got to the stage where I just had to.
My life is far more peaceful now (apart from the letter hand delivered last week - arrrggghhhh....)

Adora10 · 25/10/2018 14:17

Blocking is a bit nasty, just delete her; I don't think his intentions are dodgy, he's probably just a nice person.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 25/10/2018 14:21

Lol didn’t take long for the bloke to be dragged into the firing line.

LilMy33 · 25/10/2018 15:15

He needs to delete her from SM then maybe she’ll get the message. If that doesn’t work then block her. It’s pretty obvious. I can sort of understand if they have lots of friends in common he doesn’t want to upset things but I think it’s a bit iffy him saying he will only ditch her from SM if you insist on it, making it your responsibility aka your fault if she takes it badly. I wouldn’t be impressed with that and I’d tell him so.

Gemini69 · 25/10/2018 16:21

Lol didn’t take long for the bloke to be dragged into the firing line.

to be fair.. it's only the bloke that can solve the issue right ?

Howdoyoudoit31 · 25/10/2018 16:23

Just block her.
He’s dragging it on for no reason

New posts on this thread. Refresh page