This is a bit of a random topic but having been on this forum for a few months and reading about the horrible things that people do in terms of affairs and cheating is that they seem to pay little regard to any protection when an inappropriate physical relationship starts and I just wondered what the reasoning behind that was in someones state of mind.
I have had two relationships with older women than myself - one when I was 25 and she was 40, we were co-workers.... I'm not proud of it but she lied to me and told me she was separated from her husband when she was in fact still married (as soon as I found out I called it off)... Being younger and naive we started spending weekends in hotel rooms and having lots of sex, she insisted on never using condoms. Again and more recently some of you read my threads about another woman who had just come out of a marriage and we had a shortish 6 month thing, we barely knew each other at the beginning and I remember the first time we had sex I put a condom on but she removed it within a few minutes - we never used them ever again although I often asked if she wanted to, she eventually had a coil fitted.
Obviously the second example wasn't an affair but I was her first after leaving her marriage and have randomly started thinking about it. I only have this forum and a couple of other examples so completely limited knowledge but unprotected sex seems to be common. I have thought and off the top of my head could it be:
- We know sex without condoms is better so if you're running the risk of having an affair might as well make it as pleasurable as possible.
- It adds to the whole sordidness of the whole thing.
- Affairs are mostly built on a physical level and you don't want anything getting in the way of the passion of that moment.
- Your generally older and have been married so not used them in a while anyway and have just got complacent about the risks.
- You think you know them well enough and it isn't the same as a one night stand or beginning of a relationship.
- Some people are just risk averse and don't like them and have just been chancing their luck the whole time.
- You think that the person your having an affair with has only been with their partner so it must be fine (which is completely illogical really as if they are capable of having an affair it's likely they have slept or are sleeping with others).
Or could it just be all of the above on a more subconscious level? I mean I was thinking if you were single and ended up meeting someone on a night out and having a one night stand you wouldn't contemplate not using protection. It would be the same at the beginning of a relationship too - at least for me. I know my two examples above dispute that I think the reason I did not wear condoms with them as I am usually very safe was because they insisted and were both older, with children and they insisted there was no risk as they hadn't been with anyone else except their ex-husbands in years. Stupid on my part I know thinking back and I did get myself tested after both relationships ended. I would have had no problem with wearing them but it was them that seems to be against them.
I wouldn't be capable of having an affair or cheating on anyone, I'm just not that way inclined in the slightest but I guess thinking back to these two women and reading some other threads it just got me thinking about the subject. I mean the betrayal to be able to sleep with someone else is bad enough but if you are having unprotected sex with someone else whilst still sleeping with your partner you are not just risking yourself but someone else entirely who is completely unaware which to me just makes the whole thing even more horrendous especially in this day and age.