Just losing the plot a bit...

[justfeellikeimlosingtheplot]

I'm not sure where to start.
I've just left work and I'm sitting at home crying and DP and baby are asleep.

I'm just so bloody tired (9 month old baby/full time management job)

My partner and I argued all weekend. He finished work late at his bar on Saturday, went out with his friends and came home and was sick all over the downstairs bathroom. Last weekend he did the same but came home and pissed the bed and I had to buy a new mattress. Sunday he went for drinks with work people til 2am and his phone was dead and I didn't know where he was.
We haven't had sex for 6 months I feel so unloved and cut off. I don't know if he even gives a shit about me anymore as he's just so detached and doesn't talk to me. As soon as the baby is asleep he goes on his phone has a cider and falls asleep on the sofa. He's definitely not cheating I have scoured his phone. I almost wish he was as that would explain the complete detachment from me.

I don't even know if there's any advice. I've asked him to talk to me and he says I'm cruel to keep pressurising him to talk, but not talking is making me feel crazy. I don't know what to do.

Your relationship is well and truly over because he has and is continuing to prioritise alcohol and his friends over you. Why is your relationship bar so very low here?. He is cheating on you in a sense because his primary relationship is and has been with alcohol and not you.

Why are you and he together at all now, what are you getting out of this relationship with this man who you do not have sex with, does not talk to you and has huge issues with alcohol?. What would you say to a friend in this position?.

Did you yourself grow up seeing similar? Is this also what you want for your child, for that person too to grow up seeing his/her dad peeing in the bed and being sick all over your home?. Its no life for you either is it?. And stop clearing up after his mess; he made it so he should clean it up. Enabling him like this does you no favours at all and only gives you a false sense of control.

Why were you the one also to buy a new mattress; why did he not do that?. After all he was the one who ruined it, did he and you consider that your job?.

I would seriously end this relationship now and make a new life for yourself and your child without him in it day to day. He is financially responsible here for his child and I would also pursue a child maintenance claim.

@AttilaTheMeerkat
All these questions I'm asking myself.
We weren't together very long before I accidentally got pregnant.

I bought the mattress because the house stank and he had nowhere to sleep as baby is in with me. I earn four times what he does hence why I'm back at work full time now.

I know everything you're saying is right, I just feel so fucking sad and helpless right now

I think at least if he would talk to me I could come to terms with the fact it's shit and it's over, I've got enough money and friends and support to be by myself, but I do love him when he's sober and when he's at his best.

It's a LTB fro me OP unless he seriously shapes up. It sounds like you would be more than fine, and probably better off without him.

I think you need to sit down and speak to him. If he's nice when he's sober then it's worth discussing things with him and laying everything on the line. It'll be up to him to shape up or ship out then.

I've got enough money and friends and support to be by myself
Well then what are you waiting for?
This guy is an alcoholic loser and you and your DC need to be away from him.
Who's house is it? Is it rented? In who's name?
Start making plans.
He is showing a total lack of respect for you and your DC.
You don't need him.
Sounds like he's a waste of space.
You would be far better off without him.
You know this.
And you KNOW you deserve better.

So stop enabling his vile behaviour.
If he pisses the bed again then throw the mattress out and he can get his own replacement (I'm saying this as I believe you will keep trying to flog this dead horse for at least another 6 months before you finally crack)

What is the situation re the property and finances?.

I think talking to him will do you no favours; he is already saying that you are pressuring him to talk.

Make a life for yourself and your child without him in it going forward.
I also think you are confusing love here with codependency; that and alcoholism go hand in hand. Read up on codependency and see how much of this applies to your own self.

He was never your project either to rescue and or save either. Save your own self instead; you are more than capable of doing that. Work on your self worth and self esteem going forward; your work life sounds good so why is your personal life so crap?.