So me and my husband got married really young (18) we fell in madly in love, he is mixed race and I am bengali. So when we got married there was a lot of controversy and opinions. My parents weren’t too happy and ultimately I was “disowned” for marrying too young and out of my own race. We were each others everything. & he was all I had. Because I was no longer in contact with my family (they just didn’t want to know) We had our first child at 20 and have always struggled financially, constantly moving houses & relying on his parents to help us out here and there. Although we both worked it was still hard sometimes to make ends meet.
We were married for 5 years and after my son I had a series of recurrent miscarriages. My husband and I had such a close relationship, we both were happy despite how hard life got sometimes & were always loved up and open with eachother. I would always keep it exciting in the bedroom (& out of it sometimes ;) & despite how hard it was being parents we always talked about having another one.
At 18 we both took on a lot of responsibility but it was our own choice, we both were the only ones married out of all our friends. I am now 25, one day last November after a loving and passionate night, he literally woke up and decided to start being distant. He would leave for work early and come home really really late, he wouldn’t answer his phone whenever I called, he started taking more care of his appearance and just staying as far as possible away from me. He started smoking behind my back (knowing I hate the habit) He went on like this for 2 weeks. I would sit and cry to him almost every night after waiting up for him to come home, I’d ask him to talk to me and tell me why he’s behaving like this and al I’d get is “I’m tired” or “what am I doing wrong?”
it seemed to me he saw the life his friends and other people around him were living and wanted whatever was on the other side. He didn’t want this responsibility of looking after me, our child or paying bills anymore. He wanted to be single, care free & reckless. Everything he should have been doing at 18.
Eventually I had enough, after trying so hard to “fix” him I gave him an ultimatum but he didn’t seem bothered at all. I found out I was a month pregnant & it hit like a ton of bricks. For years we tried to concieve and it happened and then he decided he wanted out?!
Instead of talking to me he told his mom he no longer loves me and he thinks we should get a divorce. He said he wasn’t too sure about the baby but it was my choice about what I wanted to do. His family stayed supportive. Whilst he ran around the city with other women. He asked me to leave the house and after a big argument I took my pregnant self and my son and went begging back to my family who opened up their arms to me.
After the split, I found out one thing after another about the things he was doing behind my back. & he soon got into a relationship within months of us breaking up. He was looking for something new with someone new. It was clear. He moved back in with his mom and disappeared out of my life. He didn’t even care to contact me for our son or our unborn child. I did my entire pregnancy and birth completely alone bcus he had blocked me on almost everything.
He’s so blinded by the love of this younger girl that it’s distorted his responsibility he has towards his children. I have a daughter now and he’s only seen her altogether twice. I have no way of contacting him bcus he chooses not to be in our lives. It’s so hard m. My son and him were so close & my son still talks about him and misses him so much. I have never ever badmouthed my ex husband to my son infact I always reassure my son that I love his dad and we are all still family.
Both our families have tried to talk to him and make him see sense but he really isn’t interested. I’ve told him plenty of times too, that I was willing to put his cheating and the way he hurt me aside if he wanted to come and be a dad I’d never ever stop him bcus he was always a good one.
I now have my own house, a new job, new car & I know I am doing better off without him. I accept that he’s in a relationship & that I’ve never really needed him for anything. But my heart won’t let him go. I’ve sat and cried and begged to God to heal my heart and to help me let him go and it’s now been a year since we broke up but somehow I can’t even bring myself to be around another man. I have so many trust issues and I know not all men are the same but I can’t help it.
my question ultimately is.. what is ur opinion? Is this an early midlife crisis bcus of the amount of pressure life had thrown at both of us and we thought marriage would be abed of roses but infact it turned out to be something completely different? Do u think he’ll regret what he’s done and try and come back? Is there any similar stories like mine?