What does this mean

[Leannadoes]

Hi!
I was wondering if you could all help me decode this guy im dating.
Been seeing each other for a few weeks, he has stayed at mine a couple of times. No sex infact not even a kiss.
Anyways having a conversation last night over text about sex. First time we have spoke about anything like this and he basically said to me “when or if it actually goes that far” as I made a joke about not even getting a kiss.

Obviously this made me think, what the fuck? He doesn’t even know if he wants to have sex with me. So I kind of went on to “I can’t read you and I haven’t got a clue where this is going, if anywhere and that I am started to like him a lot” to which I got that he was enjoying getting to know me and wants to take everything slow to figure out if he actually wants it to go anywhere.

I get this, that is totally fine. We have both been hurt before but surely if you spend the night at someone’s house more than once and have spent a lot of time with them you would kind of have an inkling?

I’m a 36 year old woman, I’m not a child and feel a bit like a 16 year old right now. It took a lot to let my guard down with him and open up about my past. Now it seems I have done this, he doesn’t even know if this is going to go anywhere.

What’s everyone’s thoughts? I could be reading far too much into this but if you want it to progress onto something else surely you would know?

Sorry I’ve rambled on I’m just so confused.

His message does rather sound as though he's decided he doesn't want it to go anywhere.
I'd assume he's basically calling it a day.
I'd think about looking elsewhere...

Could he be shy? I had to make the first move to kiss my DP (on around the 3rd date) I think otherwise I would still be waiting 4 years later
If you like other aspects of him I would maybe give it a couple more dates then decide.
If you have known him for ages then I think it's not that strange him staying over, just maybe taking a while to see you differently than before??

Thankyou for all of your advice!
I have taking it on board and I’ve decided to call it quits before I actually get proper feelings for him which I can feel myself already.
My last relationship was horrible and it took a lot for me to kind of let my guard down with him. Although I’m guttered I don’t yhink it’s really me he wants, maybe just companionship and for once I’m going to put myself first because I can’t be bothered with the stress and guessing games.

Thankyou all again xx

Are you actually sharing a bed together?

I’m sure there was a thread recently exactly the same as this where the guy was staying over but there was no intimacy whatsoever. What’s the point?!

I think you’re wasting your time.

Contrary to the popular stereotypes not everyone who is gay is obviously so.

I'm 46 and only came out as bi a few years ago, lots of people very surprised.

Friend of mines ex husband has recently come out as gay - also in his 40's, she was completely shocked they've 2 DC together and were married 15 years.

In this case though I'd say there's a pretty clear indication he may well be. Could be wrong but I wouldn't be surprised.

Is there a possibility he's trying to make someone else jealous? You say you've been friends for years so maybe there's someone else in your friendship group he's interested in. Which is a shitty thing to do but happens unfortunately.

Has he introduced/described you as a girlfriend to family/friends?

WHATEVER the reason he's clearly not interested in you (which is nothing against you!) so I'd drop him he's just stringing you along.

My sense is that he's seeing one or more other women, one of whom he's now sleeping with and who he may decide to go exclusive with.
Move on, OP. When it's right, you don't need to decode the guy's behaviour because you just know you are cherished and thought about. There's something wrong if it's a bit miserable and uncertain this early on.

*You can spend hours and days and years of your life trying to work out what goes on inside another person's head and its always a waste of time.

Instead, spend that time thinking about what you want - is this relationship acceptable to you? Is it what you want?*

THIS is one of the best replies I have ever read, and should be mandatory reading on every relationship thread.

^ bold fail but 👏🏻 To that poster

If you need help to decode after a couple of weeks he really isn't worth your time.

I have seen your update OP but just another thought - what if there is something he needs to reveal to you before you get intimate but wants to make sure you like him enough first. Eg STD, issues with him being able to 'get it up' etc.

Aus84 possible re full sex but no kissing even?

Great answer @SendintheArdwolves listen @OP