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Original poster

Playfighting

51 replies

AlwaysSunshine81 · 24/10/2018 09:21

My boyfriend keeps saying ‘do I want a fight’ in a jokey way, I don’t.
Sometimes he will start tickling me but it’s always really hard and hurts and sometimes I get bruises on my legs. Last night he tried to punch me and kick me (but pretending but he did kick me once)
When I tell him that’s enough he doesn’t get it and carries on until I end up getting really moody and then he finally gets it.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/10/2018 09:26

He should now be your ex boyfriend.

Why are you putting up with this from him at all; it seems to me to be another way of bullying you into submission. How does he behave towards you when he is not "play fighting"?.

Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 24/10/2018 09:30

When he’s not doing that he’s lovely and caring and cuddly etc

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/10/2018 09:34

And that makes it ok then in your head, it should not, His behaviour outweighs his lovely, caring and cuddly behaviours at other times. He is doing this because he can. You have also not answered why you are putting up with this from him, punching you even as so called playfighting is not ever acceptable.

Do you have children; is this man a suitable male role model you want them to be learning from?

Wolfiefan · 24/10/2018 09:36

You mean your ex?
He hurts you? You end up bruised? He’s an arsehole who’s trying to put you in your place then act nice to mess with your head.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 24/10/2018 09:38

Get away from him as quick as you can. He is a bully and violent and no respect for your boundaries

Thingsdogetbetter · 24/10/2018 09:43

So he deliberately ignores you telling him to stop and continues until you get moody? Why would anyone deliberately make their partner moody??

You need to ask yourself what does he get out of you being in a bad mood?

When you get 'moody' what does he do? Does he tell you you're unreasonable as it was only a joke? Does he tell you you have ruined the evening? Does he get moody back?

Somehow overstepping boundaries and annoying you gets him something. You need to work out what that is.

And don't get me started on the fact he's happy to hurt and bruise you! Talk about testing the water.

hellloooo · 24/10/2018 09:45

He sounds a complete weirdo, def get rid!

hellsbellsmelons · 24/10/2018 09:47

Red flag alert!
Please get rid.
This is a really bad sign.

Womanlikeme · 24/10/2018 09:55

I would hate that even if it was genuinely playful which in your case it’s not.

user1471518636 · 24/10/2018 13:55

My ex husband did this.....emphasis on the word ex

Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 27/10/2018 10:08

I saw him last night. My ex MIL passed away Thursday so I’ve been quite upset. I wasn’t going to see him but decided to. We cuddled and watched a film. When I was about to go he wanted sex and kept grabbing at me trying to pull down my tights and taking down his boxers. Finally he got the message but I felt upset

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/10/2018 10:10

He tried to rape you
Don't see him again ever

BundyLancroft · 27/10/2018 10:24

fuck sake OP. He is not going to get better. He will get worse. Run, the hills are that way >>>>>>>>>

Thingsdogetbetter · 27/10/2018 12:49

Wtf! Run. Run. Run!!

BiologyMatters · 27/10/2018 13:21

He tried to rape you. He beats you up and calls it play fighting. wtf?

Orangecake123 · 27/10/2018 13:32

Tickling to the point of bruising is NOT normal.
Kicking and punching in a healthy relationship is NOT normal.
His behavior last night is not excusable.

You deserve so much better than this. Get out of this relationship.

Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 27/10/2018 13:35

I don’t think it was classed as rape?
I need to get out of it though, my head is a mess

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/10/2018 15:42

Sounds like rape to me
Get as far away as you can

Changedname3456 · 27/10/2018 17:23

Maybe it’s not legally a rape because he didn’t have sex with you (I assume from what you’ve written) but it was definitely an assault when you made it clear you weren’t interested and definitely not OK in any way, shape or form.

Kennycalmit · 27/10/2018 17:50

Oh god he sounds horrible.

DP and I play fight all the time and he’s never purposely hurt me. On the odd occasion he’s accidentally caught me a little too hard he can’t apologise enough. I’m tiny and he’s much bigger than me so it’s not hard for him to hurt me yet he never does.

This guy doesn’t listen to your boundaries.

As for him wanting sex when you’re upset? That’s not right! You deserve better. You deserve someone who respects you. This guy doesn’t.

Sarahjconnor · 27/10/2018 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BiologyMatters · 27/10/2018 20:11

He would have raped you if you hadn't managed to make him listen. Its coercion and sexual assault.

Lunde · 27/10/2018 22:24

Wow this guy is really messed up - you need to run!

  • hitting and kicking that leaves bruises = assault/domestic violence (even if he tries to call it "play fighting")
  • trying to coerce you into sex, pulling down your clothing against your will = sexual assault/attempted rape

You need to end this relationship before it escalates and you are seriously injured. He is not behaving normally. Send him a text telling him its over and for him to stay away from you and then block him.

Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 27/10/2018 22:29

I must admit towards the end of the evenings when we’ve been drinking I am a little concerned what he is going to do. I actually thought to myself last night he’s going to have sex with me regardless x

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 27/10/2018 22:36

You don't need to put up with this, OP. There are literally hundreds of blokes who would give their left arm to date you.

Playfighting my arse. My pet rats do playfighting. So does my elderly very grumpy cat. Funnily enough, I've never felt the urge to playfight with anyone who lives with me, including my son.