Last night while in bed my OH received a whatsapp message and when he opened it I saw a name I recognised from a long time ago - a woman he had met on Tindr the year before while we were split up. When I asked why he was messaging her he passed me his phone and said I could read the messages - they were all about their sex lives. Talking about how mine and my partner's sex life was no longer kinky etc - basically intimate details that I feel shouldn't be spoken about with someone you have met on a dating site! I hit the roof.
He had messaged this woman while away with work a couple of weeks ago. He says it was because he hadn't heard from her since last year, wanted to see how she was and was bored. When I asked why he chose when he was away to message, he said he didn't want to do it at home in case it upset me. He clearly knew it was wrong.
For background and so as to not drip feed, we met shortly after my husband's suicide 3 years ago. We dated/were in a relationship for about a year, constantly breaking up and getting back together as obviously I was in a bad place mentally re my husband. Every time we would break up we would be back on dating sites but he would continue to speak to these women when we got back together. To the point sometimes we would be in bed and I'd see them messaging him asking for hugs etc. It really messed me up and after a year we split up properly as I moved to the other end of the country as I wanted to make a new life for myself.
We were apart for a year then got back in touch. We got back together, made a proper real go of it to work towards being a family and six months ago he moved in. Life has been so much better since and this is what makes everything so hard. I was really really struggling on my own, I have two young children who obviously badly reacted to their dad's death and I had so much trouble with them at school, my six year old son was even excluded several times and it has taken a LOT of work to get them back on track. Since OH moved in I have been so less stressed, I have had someone to share the load with, the kids are doing great at school, I've just started a law course that my work are paying for so I can qualify and earn more in a couple of years, life felt absolutely perfect again. I don't know how I will manage the kids and my course and work etc on my own if we do split.
He's left for a few days while I collect myself and figure out what the fuck to do. I love him, I really do. And life has been wonderful since he has been here and I can't bear the thought of going back to being on my own trying to cope with everything again. But at the same time I am devastated and feel betrayed. I don't know whether I am over reacting and it's silly to throw everything away over a few messages as nothing physical actually happened and it wasn't direct sexting just talking about sex. But I know now every time he goes away i'll be wondering who he is back in touch with :( He says he knows he was wrong and doesn't know why he did it.
Am I over reacting? I don't know what to do :( My friends are saying LTB but of course it isn't as simple as that :(