I’m first to admit that I occasionally discuss my relationship with my friends. It’s usually about how my boyfriend was annoying, how I don’t understand his reasoning and general chitchat. If we have had a disagreement and I’m talking with a friend I can ask for advice or voice my concerns. Often, I voice these concerns to my boyfriend, but sometimes after talking with a friend I realize that maybe it was me and it is unnecessary to bring up. It’s never bashing even though it might not be the most flattering. It’s also never anything that I couldn’t speak with him and usually smaller things in a respectful manner.
My boyfriend has his best friend. They chat a lot and their way of talking is very negative. It’s sometimes funny or ironic negative, but it sometimes feels like a light-hearted competition on who is more miserable. It’s hard to explain. I’ve heard his friend talking about his wife and sometimes it sounds bad, but they have an understanding with my bf about what it means. The thing is that I happen to believe that the core of what he is saying is true. He might not mean the over the top part which is their added drama. But the core feeling has a truth. His wife is going to start working in the same industry with him, so they will have overlapping business events etc. he made a comment “sometimes I wish Jane would just be gone (as in moved out) when I get home”. While I don’t think he wants Jane to move out. I do think he does hope to get more space in the relationship and he is nervous about being in the same work circles with his wife. My boyfriend doesn’t see it this way and “knows” it’s just the they communicate and friend and Jane are very happy.
My problem is that I recently found out how (don’t want to get into how, but I was not supposed to overhear or find out) he has talked about me. He pretty much expressed that “the reason I tolerate all the bull shit she puts me through is because it beats being single”. I’m having really hard time accepting that this is how they talk and this not having any truth on how he feels. I'm happy to work through the "bull shit" if he would share it with me. My boyfriend just tried to explain that it’s their thing to make it sound like everything is horrible. Whereas he talks nicely about us to his other friend who don’t have this “thing” with him. I feel like I’d be very naïve to accept this explanation just like this. But since his actions really don’t go with those words either, so I can’t really accept that he really feels that way, especially since I know the relationship with his friend. I’m not really sure on how to proceed. I know I have to talk with my bf again. We are not gonna break up over this. I’m committed to try to sort this out, so I’m hoping for advice of how to approach this so that we can understand each other and move passed this.