Talk me down from going to ex's place with his stuff?

[ShotsFired]

[Background] Unexpected LTR breakup, he moved out to a new place a while back.

[Current] I have rounded up another box of his stuff and some other larger items. He's playing silly buggers about collecting, but the longer this goes on, the longer I have to keep it in my head.

However:

1. I am trying very very hard to be the bigger person, so that rules out destruction or binning his stuff.

1. Related, I am trying not do anything that hurts or upsets me more than I already am. But flying right in the face of that, what I want to do right now is load up my car and drive to his place and ring the doorbell with it, to get it out of my house.

But doing that definitely won't make me feel better (especially if his shiny new gf is there as my already subterranean self esteem cannot take another battering). I can't take it to his work for a couple of valid reasons.

Can anyone talk me down? (or tell me I won't always fee this gucking awful?)

I'd take it and leave it outside. Message him to tell him it's there. Done.

Agree with ^ just leave it outside his house. Let him know it's there. Job done.

I should have said he lives on a busy main road and his door opens directly onto the street. There is no porch or even bin store. It would be pinched - which goes against my #1.

I am pissed off as he's not even read my whatsapp despite clearly being online since after it was received, so I am left feeling like I need to chase.

Tell him to collect his things by a certain date and time and if he doesn't get in contact to arrange pick up. Tell him you will give them to charity or take them to the tip. Better yet send a recorded letter so you have proof of offering for him to collect his things just incase he ever takes you to small claims court.

Send it to him by carrier - TNT is reasonably priced for larger heavier stuff via www.postagesupermarket.com if you can afford it.
If he's not in, they'll leave a card.

Got a friend who lives nearby? Could they drop it off for you?

Know where his relations/freinds live? Drop by and drop it off.

Why are you bending over backwards to get the stuff to him? Chuck it all in a box. Tell him you have it and he needs to arrange collection by X date or you will give it to charity.

Wait.

If he organises collection have it ready by the door to hand over with no communication. If he doesn't then it's Oxfam's lucky day.

Tbh, I don't actually want him at my home. My message said I'd meet him at a neutral location.

His family live hundreds of miles away so that's a non starter.
But I could see if a relative could drop it for me, that's a good idea, thanks.

The reason I am being so accommodating is mainly as per my OP, but also because I know he has a very close relative who is very sick, possibly near death by now, so I don't feel it appropriate to make demands that he simply might not be able to meet if he is zooming back and forth there all the time. And despite my OP and everything, I don't think he is deliberately trying to be a dick.

It's all such a bloody mess.

What pp said about giving him date to collect by or it goes to charity.

And you won't always feel this bad.

Ditch it.. he clearly doesn't want it that much....

Yes get it delivered, great idea previous poster! Could be expensive but chalk it up as emotional salvage, worth it

Thanks all. I will think on your advice.

You have at least held me at bay this evening, when I was to starting the engine.

Can you just pull up outside in your car and ask him to come out and get it?
Feeling the way you do though I'd try and ask a mutual friend or family member etc x
Hope you're r feeling better about it all soon OP xxx

I would also deliver ..... money well spent..... moral high ground maintained no contact needed.

If his workplace is out of the question, do you still have mutual friends, as you were together a long time? Or do you not want to drag them into it? A few small items in the post to stir him up a little?

My ex took 9 months to collect his sh*t. Would come to the house sometimes during the day (once he even cleaned up the house - which was creepy).

I boxed up his stuff including crap his mother had bought me. He used to come in during the day and take the presents out of the box. I thought I was going crazy.

He finally came to pick up his crap when I moved house.

There was no reason he couldn’t pick it up sooner. He drove to work every day and I lived right near his work.

Absolute POS.

It's all going in the shed tomorrow. I have some big work stuff going off and I just can't give ex the headspace right now.

I'll just have to deal with it another day, and hope I can forget it's lurking out there in the meantime.

If he hasn't collected by now it obviously isn't of value to him.

Give him a deadline or it goes in the bin. That's not being a cow. That's recognising the reality that he isn't bothered about the stuff.

To be fair our schedules are now a little 'ships in the night' so it was already tricky trying to find a time that suited both of us, but now I'm going to barely here at all.

I