I can't deal with DH's manners any more

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Or lack of them.

I don't know what's happened, it seems to be getting worse, or maybe I didn't notice when I was more dewy eyed.

In so many ways he's a thoroughly decent man, hardworking, will do anything for DC, does more than his share around the house, happy to drop anything if he can help someone etc etc.

But, his manners! Eating with him is horrible. He loads his fork with so much food he has to open his mouth so you can see his throat to get it in, he talks with his mouth full and burps constantly. We've been out for lunch with my friends today and he burped loudly mid sentence....twice. He didn't even excuse himself, didn't seem to realise he'd done it.

His language is horrible too. I know not everyone cares about bad language but you need to judge your audience. I'm embarrassed when he swears in conversation with my parents and I certainly don't want him doing it with DC. He also does it with strangers, eg he'll drop a casual swear word into a conversation with a waitress or shop assistant. Some of them look visibly shocked. He does't seem to know he does it.

Anyway I've "mentioned" it since we got back from lunch and he's said fine he won't go out with my friends again, but I don't want to see/hear it when it's just us either.

Is this one of those things you need to get over in a long marriage (25 years and I'm sure it never used to be this bad) or something he should be able to change?

Same here!
31 years later and the dcs and I have been quite shocked by dh s manners.Pleases thank you a rare thing.He even walks.across people's paths and says I'm packing confidence of i stand back and let others to first!!
Language wise I can say crude things as I work with men and the banter is fruity .DH seems unaware of general etiquette though dress sense can be scruffy too same as.shaving to go out.Drives me crazy.Mine has changed tbh.
Interested in replies.

Oh god yes, scruffy and unshaven. It feels disrespectful to me to make so little effort but maybe I shouldn't care how he looks?

I think you should care how he looks, because all of this is down to a matter of respect - particularly self-respect.

I often find that the feeling that someone instils in you also reflects an often unconscious feeling that they have towards themselves. If you start to feel loathing for what he's doing, for example, then I would suggest that that reflects a self-loathing that is pushed outwards on to you.

This is not about looks first and foremost. It is about one's attitude to oneself, which unfortunately then becomes something that others have to deal with - particularly those who are closest.

If it were me, I'd be having a conversation - one that's compassionate and enquiring instead of demanding. I'd be curious why this was happening; I'd be asking if anything has changed; I'd be wanting to know if things felt different between us, and, if so, why.

It would also be something that would cause me to leave a relationship, eventually, if I'd exhausted all avenues.

Yea I had a partner who was like this and to be fair he was like it when we met, but like you, I was all dewy-eyed about him so it didn't really make an impact on me to begin with.

But over time I noticed he just had no sense of surroundings and how to conduct himself. Shovelled food into his mouth like he was inhaling it, enormous mouthfuls (he's a big guy too, over 6 foot) and then pretty much just chewing once (if at all!) and then swallowing the whole lot in a giant gulping sound. It started to remind me of a snake eating things whole and after that, I couldn't really watch it. Really did put me off him.

Next time he burps or eats with his mouth open just excuse yourself and go eat alone

He’s basically a ill-mannered slob? Has he always been this bad or has he become worse? The bad language and burping in front of others is embarrassing. Does he care that he looks bad and comes across poorly or is he Mr I don’t Give a Fuck, I’m so Cocky?