Dumped by Text

[ShonesM]

I met an amazing guy over a year ago. We are both divorced with children and had an amazing connection together.

We lived 2 hours apart and I worked shifts so seeing each other was challenging at times but he owns his own businesses so was free whenever so it worked out.

After about a year we decided to take things to the next level and I made the decision to leave where I lived and my job and move to be with him. He was building a new house and so I would live in another house he owns and then we would all move into the new house when it was ready. Everything seemed perfect. We were living together and getting on really well and all the kids got on and seemed fine with everything.

Then his ex found out through mutual friends that I was going to move into the new house when it was ready and for some reason this caused her to lose it!! They had a huge row (in front of their children) and she said that he didn't care about his children and called him a crap dad (which is not true at all he is a great Dad and always there for his children). She started causing problems for him with not only his businesses but with his children and fearing that they may not want to see him anymore he ended things with me.

I was completely devastated - I don't even think I felt as bad when my marriage ended! I had given up so much to be with him and it felt like he gave up so easily. I really hit rock bottom - I am usually a strong person but I found it so hard to move on. I was in a new place with no friends around me no family and no job.

However I picked myself up and tried to move forward. Applying for every job going and trying to make new friends. I had decided to stay put for many reasons the main one being that my son's dad lives here and he can help with childcare when I am working.

That was 4 months ago. I still saw BA every now and again. I was angry at him but I understood his position and wanted to remain friends. We would go for lunch or a drink here and there and it was fine. I was even asked out by a guy and thought I would go but it made me realise I was not ready to move on in that way.

Then 2 weeks ago BA turns up at my house. He declares he loves me and has messed up and wanted to try again. I hadn't expected that at all. I believed everything he said and thought I owed it to myself to try again. Everyone deserves a second chance right??

But apparently not as on Saturday I receive a text from him saying that he was "worried" about things and we should move on from each other. I think it was just a game for him or some kind of ego massage or something. See if he can get me back and hurt me all over again.

Have I been a complete idiot? Is what he had down not once but twice make him a complete idiot or am I just a mug for believing everything he ever said or promised me?

What an asshole. A cruel asshole. Cut contact with him properly this time, don't stay friends

He’s an arsehole. Within time you will see this for sure and probably realise things weren’t as great as you thought they were

If he wanted to be with you, he would. His ex and his children are just his excuses to end things with you. If he truly loved you and wanted a relationship with you he’d tell his ex to get stuffed and continue your relationship whilst maintaining being a good dad.

It’s hard but move on. Cut all contact and block him.

Whatever else you know, think or feel about this man you also now know he is capable of this level of cruelty and that would cancel out anything I had previously believed about him for me. You will never be able to work out what his motivation was because you are a decent person and your mind doesn’t work the same way as his.

The kindest thing you can do for yourself now is absolutely close the door on this man, don’t see him, don’t speak to him, don’t even think about him if you can help it, he deserves no more of your headspace. Throw yourself into building your new life, every minute you spend thinking about him is taking away from your future and he’s already taken enough.

It’s shit where you are now but it is temporary, you will come out the other side and it’s pretty much up to you how quickly and how easy you make it on yourself. Cutting him dead (in your head as well as cutting all communication) is the first step to moving on and you deserve to let yourself move on, he isn’t worth one more second of your time. You’ll have wobbly moments but that’s what we’re here for, this board gives amazing support and there’s always someone around

Thank you all so much for replying and its really helped to even write down what has happened. I really appreciate your replies

You were doing so well by yourself after the first break up. You will again - only this time it will be easier as he's REALLY revealed his true colours and been awful. I'm sure you've realised that this isn't even someone you need as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. You deserve much better. You wore your heart on your sleeve, were honest and trusting- YOU have nothing to be ashamed of..

He got his second chance. Never ever consider a third.

Wow, I can't believe a human can be so cruel and do that to another, esp a woman they purport to love, you gave up everything for him and the first sign of trouble he basically abandoned you, please block this arsehole on everything, why you wanted to remain friends is beyond me, he has treated you like absolute shit, tell him to fuck off OP, please!

OP you're well rid. He'd have let you down eventually if it wasn't for this. And it sounds like he still has some sort of attachment to his ex if she's able to influence his decisions so much.

OP what he did to you and your DS appalling.. relocating your entire life and career for this frivolous clown.. and he drops you like sweetie wrapper stuck to his shoe ... why you even considered remaining friends and doing lunches etc is beyond me... but I do understand having Dad close by for your .... I think you need to block this man out of your life permanently now.. he will come crawling back but for your own sake and the sake of your sanity... body swerve..and good luck lovely.. forget him

Jees sorry for the typos...

I’m so sorry, OP, but agree with PP that he’s a cruel arsehole. Block the hell out of him. Focus on your child and wait a while before you get involved again.

What a complete shit bag.. I understood you remaining friends and I almost had some respect for him, although I thought he needed to grow a backbone after leaving you because his ex was causing issues. But his last stunt is just horrible. What a complete knobjockey! I’d block him out if your life now he’s done this.

Thanks everyone - you are all totally right about blocking him. It’s funny actually because when he finished things the first time I thought about him all the time and hoped we could reconcile. This time however I’m much stronger and see what he did as cruel and I don’t want anything to do with him

That's awful, what a bastard!
No point in trying to stay friends with him lovey, by the sounds of it he likes to play mind games or changes his mind at the drop of a hat. Ghost and block, and concentrate on building a new life. The best revenge is living well and all that. Easier said that done, but you'll get there in the end.

he's clearly not over his ex. And is dancing to her tune. What an arse.